So, Pia is gone. What a shocker. I have to tell you that I’ve watched those results a few times, simply because everyone in my family watches the results show at different times and at the very, very end when she finally breaks down in Jacob’s arms? I lose it. Adam, I have no idea how you’ve managed to remain so emotionally stable, I imagine you’ve had a few breakdowns on your own. You are a trooper.

Adam: I have a confession, Beth: I typically don’t watch the results. When it comes to saying goodbye to these contestants, I’m a cold, heartless scoundrel. But I did watch the end of this one, and I was sad to see Pia go so soon. But you know what? Her farewell performance was, to my ears (and eyes, holy cats, what an outfit) her best performance of the season. First time she’s really moved me emotionally.

So, Paul McDonald’s up the show with Old Time Rock n’ Roll and OHMYGOSH, someone call 911, he’s having a seizure on stage. No…wait, he’s just Paul. On stage. Seriously, he is not singing, Adam. That is not singing and he should not be on the show, he’s yelling, he’s yelling so much that’s he hoarse. I was going to be all nice to Paul, as suggested by a reader last week and I tried and then he started singing. Okay, I’m done.

Adam: You know what’s scary, Beth? Paul shakes so violently that he can actually play the tambourine just by holding it against his chest. Also scary: everything about that performance, including the fact that the judges loved it so much. I also feel bad for World’s Most Beautiful Woman Jennifer Lopez, because she has the World’s Largest Dryer Sheet stuck to the front of her dress. Are we still talking about Paul? Not if we’re intent on being nice. That was terrible.

Next up is Lauren with Miley Cyrus’s The Climb. Is she sick? Her voice sounded like something was missing, like she was short a vocal cord. She had that strange slide up the key change in the middle, which baffled my ears. Was that pleasant? I don’t get it. And again the judges love something I’m obviously not hearing. Beth, did I overdose on grumpy pills? I’m so confused.

I happened to watch this performance with Anna before watching last week’s results show (see?) and she thought this sounded better than Miley and you know what? She attended Miley Cyrus University.  I don’t know that I totally agree with her or the judges, I just thought the performance was pretty okay. Pretty safe but good. Dog.

Adam, I have a confession. The judges are starting to piss me off.

Stefano Luckytobeontheshow is up next. First, let me tell you that I love Will.I.Am and happy that’s he’s helping Jimmy out. I’m considering asking him to come over to dinner. I bet he’ll say yes. Anyway, back to Sir Luckypants. This pretty much sounds like a horrible performance. Between his voice, which is not Top 40 material, the Little Shop of Horrors background singers and the horn section, it’s all too much for my ears. My ears, they want to commit suicide. Which makes me sad. I like my ears.

Adam: Stefano plodded through the beginning of the song like he was recording the Kidz Bop version, but the dude had a moment. One moment with his big power note, and I thought he nailed it (and not in a rude, butchery kind of way). I actually liked the song for about 10 seconds. That tiny window shows me Stefano has something. Maybe next week’s theme will be 10-second songs?

Scotty McCreery is next with George Strait’s Cross My Heart, and it kind of made me hope to die. He sounded great, he’s got an amazing voice, and he even got rid of the silly faces and crazy eyes. But Beth? That song was an extra large snooze sundae with snore on top. I wish he had sung Everybody’s Talking, because it sounded good, it was interesting, and it wouldn’t have been the autopilot cop out we just witnessed. It was good, he’ll coast through with a billion votes, but I was disappointed.

Adam, must you bring up ice cream at an important time like this?  (important time being moments after I’ve already had ice cream) Two words: cowboy hat.

Casey Abrams looks pretty handsome tonight, for Casey, right, Adam? So, kudos to Casey for sticking to his guns and not singing Phil Collins tonight. I enjoyed the end, much more than the beginning, loved the white instruments, the feel. It was good. Definitely different.

Adam: Could there be a bigger chasm between song choices than Nat King Cole and Phil Collins? And if music teachers and music critics were voting, I’d say handsome Casey made the right choice. But teenage girls and more teenage girls are apparently doing all the voting. Even so? He made the right choice. I’m so glad I heard that song. That was jazzy cool and powerful and solid. If America doesn’t vote for that? Screw ‘em. I think I’ll vote for him right now.

Haley Reinhart singing Blondie? I do dig it, Haley. I’m impressed that she hunted down a giant butterfly and made a dress out of it. I like the song because she sounds different enough from Debbie Harry to be distinctly her own. She started off sloppy. Why do so many contestants sleep through the beginning? I like Haley’s voice, and I know I’m pretty much alone in not disliking her. I’m okay with that. She’s a good kid.

Guess what, Adam? I didn’t hate her performance tonight which is the first time EVER I have said that about her. Great song choice and how hilarious that the judges didn’t like it?

Jacob Lusk is singing Bridge Over Troubled Water. Good song, yes. Tan suit? No. I just don’t know what to say about Jacob. I mean, the dude has a great, great voice but ugh, I don’t know, he still bores me. Especially with a tan suit on. I’m not sure where he fits in with the music landscape of today but you know what? That’s not my problem. I do think Jacob is in danger, though, despite having a good voice. Maybe it’s the lip gloss that throws me off.

Adam: Beth, I had Lusk lust tonight, I have to tell you. I agree, borrowing a suit from the guy in IT may have been a bad move, but the song itself floored me. I clapped. I whooped. I hollered. I was glad he chose the song because there are 8 million versions of it yet he still made a unique one. And he has that voice that tightropes the line between campy and incredible. I thought that performance was incredible. My hands kind of hurt from the clapping.

James Durbin is singing Heavy Metal. From the movie Heavy Metal. I really feel like this song showed us who James is as an artist. Especially the part when he watched Mr. Guitar Player Dude take off on a solo for thirty seconds. It really captured those two weeks in 1981 when that song was considered awesome. I shall puke now.
I didn’t mind this performance, it was full of energy but the whole singing into the guitar and well, the rest of it, it’s just beyond me. I’m not a hairbanger. or is it headbanger? Either way, I’m not either one and don’t intend to ever be one. No matter, James is safe, as he should be.
Alright, I am insisting that Stefano go home. Adam, says Paul.
What do you guys think?
And we know you’re reading, so chime in, we’d love to hear from you!
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