I had my cereal long, long ago. Eli and I like to eat breakfast together, today we did shortly after the kids went to school, probably around 7:30. He was so hungry! This week has been so busy that I’ve only been able to do that twice.
I’m pretty much reeling from the fact that I had four sessions this week. Three of those were newborn sessions. It’s not really what I’m looking for in my business, to be that busy, but sometimes, that’s just how the schedule falls, there’s not much I can do about it.
I’m having difficulty balancing everything in my life – work, family, friends, housework. Basically, my life right now is work and family. The rest is failing, though and it’s beginning to weigh on me. None of these things I can do just right.
Here’s something you don’t know about me: I want to start another blog. I’m not going to tell you the specifics but it’s something I really, really want to do and have wanted to do for a very long time.
Someday, I hope.
But if not, I’m grateful that I come up with ideas. I’m glad that my mind and my heart aspire to do and try new things. Even if they never happen, I love that my mind goes to new places and explores and lands and flies around.
Seven years ago, I realized I wanted to be a photographer. A natural light photographer, yep, that’s what I wanted. I remember coming across a website and showing it to Brian and saying “this. this is what I want to do.”
I’m glad that Brian and I didn’t have the means to jump up and buy a big fancy camera that I had no idea how to use. I’m grateful we didn’t start a business and start too soon. I’m glad that I’m confident enough to just now believe that I really am a photographer but mostly I’m glad that I know that I can and will become so much better at what I do.
It began so perfectly, so slowly. A little powerful spark. It began in my backyard with my kids or after bath time during snuggles, right before bed, point & shoot in hand. Those moments you never want to forget but before you know it, they’re gone. Those same kids too big to fit on your lap. Those same kids too big to want to sit on your lap.
Those same kids, I’m not going to lie to you, that I miss so very much.
My emotion as a mother is my foundation for being a photographer. Whether it’s a newborn, a three year old or a college graduate.
Last night, I attended VIP night at school with the three kids. Brian had class so he wasn’t able to attend. We had a really good time, the four of us. I spoke to teachers and parents and had so much fun talking to other students.
Brian and I laid in bed last night talking for a long time. In the quiet darkness we discussed teachers and our children, Beth Fletcher Photography, the tiny one growing in my belly, we talked about Samantha, who right now is fighting the fight of her life. How, if she could have anything, she would just want to be a Mom, with toddlers hanging on her legs, kids constantly asking for snacks, fighting endless piles of laundry, bills, homework, work, groceries…but she lies, in a hospital bed, unable to respond, her passion for life silence by cancer and illness.
He fell asleep and I listened to him breathe. Thoughts of Samantha filled my head, just forty minutes away, the girl who sat in my living room just last month, our minds and hearts exploding with ideas and passion. And now a machine breathes for her. But inside, her hope and fight remain.
My day, the sun, my prayers, the way I live my life are for her. Hug more, love more, open the windows, breathe the fresh air, accept the crumbs…just be happy.
We all have so much to live for but sometimes we lose sight.
My vision has never been better than it is right now.
Please, please, please pray for Samantha. I need her back. THE WORLD NEEDS HER BACK.