It’s not really by choice that I leave this space all neglected it’s just that it’s an easy “to-do” on my list to disregard, where other things aren’t so easy to ignore.
Baby girl will be born seven weeks from today. I have so many feelings about this, mostly excitement, because we can’t wait to meet her.
I have some sadness because this is the last time I’ll be pregnant.
Definite fear. What if she comes early? What if…something else happens?
What if she ends up in the NICU for weeks like Anna and Noah, despite the fact that they were full term?
It doesn’t seem like too much to ask, wanting a healthy baby girl in my arms in the afternoon of October 3rd, one who latches and coos and sleeps. One who takes our breath away, who is the perfect addition to our completed family. To have that moment in my hospital room when Anna and Noah walk in after school, holding Eli’s little hand. All of them sitting on the bed with me, Grandparents taking photos, Brian hovering, proudly, over his family. These things happen everyday.
But life and my history has shown me that things DO happen and they CAN happen to me, so I’m guarded and hopeful.
And it although it doesn’t seem too much to ask, I realize how miraculous all of this is – that thought never leaves my brain or my heart.
So, we continue each day, mostly working, sometimes playing, getting ready for school and babies.
Anna and Noah’s new shared room is almost complete. And then we paint the baby’s room.
And then, hopefully, at the end of this pregnancy, I will be doing some much needed rest and I’ll be here so much that you’re bound to get sick of me.
That’s my plan.