It’s not really by choice that I leave this space all neglected it’s just that it’s an easy “to-do” on my list to disregard, where other things aren’t so easy to ignore.
Baby girl will be born seven weeks from today. I have so many feelings about this, mostly excitement, because we can’t wait to meet her.
I have some sadness because this is the last time I’ll be pregnant.
Definite fear. What if she comes early? What if…something else happens?
What if she ends up in the NICU for weeks like Anna and Noah, despite the fact that they were full term?
It doesn’t seem like too much to ask, wanting a healthy baby girl in my arms in the afternoon of October 3rd, one who latches and coos and sleeps. One who takes our breath away, who is the perfect addition to our completed family. To have that moment in my hospital room when Anna and Noah walk in after school, holding Eli’s little hand. All of them sitting on the bed with me, Grandparents taking photos, Brian hovering, proudly, over his family. These things happen everyday.
But life and my history has shown me that things DO happen and they CAN happen to me, so I’m guarded and hopeful.
And prayerful.
And it although it doesn’t seem too much to ask, I realize how miraculous all of this is – that thought never leaves my brain or my heart.
So, we continue each day, mostly working, sometimes playing, getting ready for school and babies.
Anna and Noah’s new shared room is almost complete. And then we paint the baby’s room.
And then, hopefully, at the end of this pregnancy, I will be doing some much needed rest and I’ll be here so much that you’re bound to get sick of me.
That’s my plan.
I could never get sick of you. I love my visits here. I keep you close in prayer in hopes of a beautiful healthy happy little girl. I believe that is exactly how it is going to be. I hope you can believe that too. ((hugs))
One day soon you WILL have a little one “who takes our breath away” and will the perfect addition to your family Beth. I will have you in my prayers. I hope you smile today. Big. And don’t be too guarded. Just take care of your little clan. xo!
Alita
I just know it is going to be the way you are dreaming it to be, Beth. I believe.
I’m so excited for October 3, I can hardly stand it. I’ve already been making plans in my head on how I can be there that day, and I believe it’s going to be the way you are imagining. I can’t wait to meet baby girl! I would love to see pictures of the rooms once they are complete….better yet, I need to plan a weekend to visit, I am very much missing you and Mom and Dad!!
We can’t get sick of you!! Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers for little girl to get here safe and sound, and please, post pics of the bedrooms when they are done!!!
I have a feeling she is going to be your easiest baby, and everything will be ok. We’ll ride on that feeling, ok?
So close! I love October.
Steph
everything will go great, beth; we can’t wait to hear your sweet baby girl is here!
I’ll be praying for a safe and sound birth and a healthy baby. Still, I know that feeling of wanting a story-book birth. Mine have been c-section births. I feel so jealous of moms who are up and moving around in no time, moms who are able to have as many littles as they want, unencumbered by the damage of c-sections. Mine are blessings, and I know too well the frustration of things not going as planned.
We lost our first.
Labored 30 hours with the second, pushing for 3 hours, ending in a c-section.
Our third came a bit early with a head-spinningly fast c-section when his heart rate was super-high.
Fourth came 3 weeks early, but healthy and beautiful.
Fifth came 5 weeks early, and we got to take a ride in an ambulance to a bigger hospital that was out of our state.
But you know, I wouldn’t trade any of it.
They are all blessings, even the one in heaven.
I am a mother. It isn’t a story book ending.
But we are happily, ever, after.
The end.
Much love and many blessings to you.
You’ll be in my prayers.
This is how I look at fears. A coward runs from them. A fool ignores them. The insecure hide them. The hero not only faces them, but admits them. Having those fears is inevitable. Telling people about them is beyond admirable because you invite others in. It’s so crucial that you allow other people with similar fears to know they’re not alone while also giving yourself the great assurance that YOU are not alone.
And you are not. You aren’t the only one who fears, nor are you the only one who will bravely fight, hope, and pray through it.
I’m sending good thoughts and prayers for her arrival to be well timed and perfectly easy. xoxo
Enjoy your last weeks of pregnancy, dont stress and just eat your favorite foods:) That makes everything better right? Praying for your baby girl to have a smooth entrance into the world and to give her mama no fuss. Love to you and your family Beth. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
sounds like a good play. Carry on with the nesting and loving and playing…
You know what, Beth? I spent all 9 months of this last pregnancy FREAKED OUT for my baby girl. Turns out, 4 weeks ago tomorrow, I was the one who nearly died! I had to have en emergency hysterectomy and it’s by the grace of God I am alive.
I guess my point in saying all of that is that worrying does nothing…both you and I know it.
After she’s here you’ll be longing for this pregnancy again.
A day, an hour, a minute at a time! Can’t wait to hear of her arrival!
p.s. I did have that wonderful “family moment after the birth” story, and I imagined it for months and months…STILL can’t believe she’s here! You’ll probably be the same way… thank you for sharing your heart so honestly!
I know, it’s scary, but you’re already way past the post vulnerable part of your pregnancy. Now the chances just keep getting better and better that everything will be fine. I’m sure your sweet little baby will be just fine.
Darn typo. I meant to say the most vulnerable part.
Praying for you and this beautiful new baby to come and your whole family.
will never get sick of you!!! can’t wait for this baby girl to be born either….but enjoy the moment right now!!!! Life goes by so quickly…especially when we’re busy….always keeping you close to my heart!!!! Thanks for posting today!!! xoxo
ok…well it was monday that you posted and here it is wednesday…told you time goes by quick!!! xoxoxo
First off, you’re a beautiful writer. I have lurked here for quite a while, and am just now commenting. I actually recently started my own blog, and even mentioned you in one of my posts (for all 12 readers to see, hehe!).
I have three babies (5, 2, and 9 months). I felt just like you when I was pregnant with Kenzie. I was sad and wistful, knowing it would be the last time I would be pregnant, and deliver a baby. I just wanted her to be perfect, and to hold her and for things to be enjoyable and easy. We got so lucky. She is amazing. Your daughter will be, too. Smile, try to relax (easier said than done, I know), and enjoy these last days of your pregnancy.
Hugs to you, Beth!