Hi friends. I’m sitting in my bed, drinking coffee. I just had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. My whole family is home right now which will not be the case next week when Brian will be back to work and Anna and Noah will be at school. I like all of us here but I do believe I’m ready for school to begin.
Noah is sitting next to me playing with my new iPad. Anna is playing Barbies, Eli is sleeping, Brian is on a work call.
Last night I slept for over 12 hours. I do believe I am starting to feel much better. Wednesday morning (as in 12:30 in the morning) through Wednesday evening was easily the most pain I have been in in my life. I can’t explain it but nothing, no amount of muscle relaxers or pain killers helped me with the pain. I literally could not move.
Today, I can pee pretty easily and turning on my side isn’t so much a chore. There’s still pain but not as much which makes me hopeful that I’ll be able to NOT go to physical therapy. I’m still working on this whole “sitting in bed” thing, it’s not my thing, I do not like it, I want to be up an doing stuff again. Today I plan to shower and edit a few photos. That’s the extent of my to-do list.
How sad is that?
I feel immense guilt over everything. I waited until three in the morning on Wednesday to call my OB because I felt guilty waking her up. (still do) I had to call my Mom, who lives 20 miles away at three in the morning to come watch the kids, GUILT. Brian having to take time off of work: guilt. Brian not able to travel this weekend for work: tons of guilt. Not being able to be an interactive Mom to the big kids: guilt. Unable to hold Eli: such guilt. Not being able to take Anna and Noah school supply shopping, as I promised: so much guilt.
Last night, I just cried. and cried. and cried. I feel selfish, I hate having to ask someone to help with everything I do. (even turning on my side) It’s temporary, yes. But that doesn’t take away my sadness that I’m feeling at THAT moment.
Also, I feel like my house is falling apart. You know how it is. You step away for a few hours and the mess just continues because you’re not there to pick up after people or tell them when to clean up after themselves. And this isn’t Brian’s fault because he’s working from home, taking care of his gigantic, paralyzed wife, a toddler and two kids.
Fortunately, my Mom has been helping and Stephanie brought us dinner last night (what a beautiful thing from both of them.) So, it’s not like everything is broken, it just feels like it sometimes.
I’m hoping when I come back here on Monday, everything will be better. Yes, that is my hope.
Happy Friday.
Oh, mama. Feel better soon! xoxo
hugs hugs hugs
I bet the adjustable bed is coming in handy right now! I am so sorry for this sideline but bodies do that- they force you to rest to keep you and baby safest and in your best form for when it’s time for baby to be here and when you need your energy the most. I hope you can just let everyone take care of you now, it’s really to help you be stronger and better in the end!
Hope today is so much better.
Steph
Oh, Beth, I wish I could come sit and visit with you. We could talk and eat Teddy Grahams. I would if I could
But, I am kinda right there with you. I had surgery about 2ish weeks ago and it is HARD to let others do for you! I am having a hard time not overdoing things too. My kids went back to school Wednesday, so it is a little easier to stay in bed or on the couch – but hard to miss all of the goings on, you know?! Thinking about you and hoping everything gets a little better today 
xoxo,
Jen
aw, such an outpouring of love from your friends!!
Oh, that mommy guilt is a tough thing! Concentrate on that babe in your belly…you are doing what’s best for you and your littlest one. Everyone else will either forgive you or not remember this tough week at all! Hope you feel better soon!
I just know that everyday it is going to get easier. It will. Just take each day just as it comes. And do what you can do because that’s all we can do.
Please try not to feel guilty. I know it’s hard but sometimes things just happen and that’s that, you know? You just need to focus on feeling better! And I hope you’ll have such a report on Monday, that you are feeling MUCH better!
Oh sweetie, I know that feeling – BTDT. But you have to give in to sitting still and asking for help because you need to be healthy for that little one growing inside.
I wish I were nearby, I’d bring you some dinner, and fold a load of laundry or two. And take the kids to the park. Hugs.
I hope you get better soon! Praying for lots of peaceful, comfortable rest and a healthy baby and mama.
I know that you don’t know me from Adam, but I wanted to encourage you…hopefully these words will do that. DON’T feel guilty for needing help! We are NOT super-moms, contrary to what anyone and everyone might believe. We want to be in control, we want to make sure everything and everyone gets taken care of. But sometimes God allows things to happen to show that ultimately HE is in control, and we really do need help. We need HIM to be our strength, because we cannot do it on our own. Sometimes He allow these times to be times where others can bless us by their care and love for us. Sometimes He just wants us to BE STILL. And often, these times are for our own protection (and your unborn baby’s protection too!). So, rest in the fact that you know you are loved by many, and that would do anything in the world to take care of you and make sure you’re ok. I don’t think your family feels at ALL like you’re being selfish. I think they are glad that you and the baby are ok, and they will do whatever it takes to make sure it stays that way.
Hugs,
Angie
Just remember, friends LIKE to help. It makes them feel needed. Just try and remember when you are feeling that guilt how much you like being able to help your friends when you can.
That being said, I hope you feel better and I sympathize with all of the sadness you are feeling. Saying prayers for you!
PS. I love what Angie said about maybe this is God’s way of making you be still for the well-being of your baby or you, or telling you need rest. He is almighty, and trusting in Him is always the best solution.
I truly hope you are already feeling better by now. {{{hugs!}}}
**HUGS** Hope your feeling better!!!
Hope you’re feeling much much better today!
I know how you feel… I had to do that for over 10 weeks when pregnant with the twins. SUCKED.
I get the guilt. I feel that way when I just have a cold or a headache so I get it. But your body was trying to tell you to slow the freak down. So you better listen. Just sayin’.
I hope that the weekend was good to you and that you are feeling well this week! And guilt? I totally get that. I am the queen of feeling guilty – guilty that I work, guilty that my girls go to day care, guilty that my husband and I don’t get enough alone time, guilty that I took my girls to McDonald’s last night because my husband had grad school and I worked until 6:30… I could go on and on. We can’t do it all and that’s okay. (((Hugs)))
Oh man… Take care of yourself. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Oh, aren’t we always feeling guilty, as mothers? I think as soon as you give birth to your first baby, you earn a quiet but important badge that you wear the rest of your life. It begins at that moment: Mom Guilt. We feel guilty about small things, and big things. And we as mothers feel we should (and often do) be able to do everything.
BUT . . . there are times when this just isn’t the case. And, you can at this time, rely on OTHER mothers. We are all here to help. I know you feel guilty about your OB, and your mom. But, truly, that’s what they are there for. Surrender a little. Because in the not too distant future, it will be all on you. Again. With no help. But right now, you’ve got a whole lotta love. Take advantage, and do your best to let your head fall softly on to that pillow of letting others take care of YOU.
Hang in there!