I’ve started physical therapy. I think it’s funny that I actually tried to avoid it when it’s already helping me. Since my “relapse” last Wednesday, I haven’t really improved very much, which concerns me for the rest of my pregnancy but I’m doing my best to focus on the moment.
(which is a total lie.)
So, I began physical therapy and actually found out what the problem is and why I’m experiencing so much pain.
I damaged by pelvic floor.
Right now, we are working on taking the remnants and putting them back together and building a nice strong floor again. It’s going to take therapy twice a week and the rest of my pregnancy to (hopefully) repair it, so for now, I’m taking it easy, I can not lift Eli (which hurts my heart so much) and saving any activity to complete the sessions I have scheduled prior to baby girl’s delivery. (the doctor has okay’d this, as long as I have an assistant with me.)
I’m never left alone. Someone always has to be here with me to help with Eli, I’m lucky to have a Mom and a Mother-in-law who are not only retired but also able and wanting to help, I can’t get over our fortune that Brian’s job is flexible and understanding and then my friend, Lynette, who I’ve hired to help me at home with Eli and with BFP is around, too.
I am completely missing my independence but fully understand how temporary this is. I’m trying to accept the help that is given to me with grace because once this trial is over, real life begins again and I’ll be wishing for a few minutes to just sit on my couch in peace.
Last night, I had a session. I came home and Brian was outside with all three kids and it was getting dark. We came in and I ate dinner. Anna wasn’t feeling well, so she went upstairs to watch TV in my room. That left me with my three boys. I sat on the couch, eating cold pizza and we taught Eli new tricks and he entertained us and we laughed so hard and it literally hurt so much but my heart needed this laughter so badly.
I laid in bed realizing that had I NOT been resting and in pain that that moment probably would not have occurred, I would have been busy putting away toys, or cleaning up dishes or watering plants but instead, I sat and watched and interacted and loved and laughed and felt pretty grateful for all of this. Even the pain.