I can’t remember, at some point yesterday but actually it was 15 months ago, Brian left to pick the kids up from Bible School. I was left alone with Eli. It was a perfect summer night, the sun starting to set. It was June.
I love June.
I laid on the bed with him. The house silent. I unsnapped my bra to nurse, his head in the crook of my arm. He knew exactly what to do, opened his mouth and latched perfectly. The latch we worked for two months to perfect.
So, completely worth it.
It wasn’t just the latch that was perfect, it was that moment, the silence, the temperature, this baby in my arms, the knowledge that I’m the lucky one to hold him to have him as mine. His eyes were open. He would switch between looking deeply into my eyes and the ceiling fan. He always loved the ceiling fan.
Finally, he drifted to sleep, as I watched. Honored to have been there to watch this simple moment in his life.
Moments ago, we laid him down for his nap, I watched him in the video monitor, he lays on his belly, his bootie in the air. He turns to his side, he lays on his back, lets his legs stretch outside the crib. His eyes open, I watch him blink, grateful for this technology, for this moment that I otherwise would not be able to witness.
He settles on his side, his hand rubs the sheet. In that moment, I want to swoop him up and take him into my bed, lay him in the crook of my arm and watch him drift. But being a toddler, he’d stand on the bed and run and fall and laugh and well, not go to sleep.
So, I’m happy and content with this moment that I’m witnessing. Although, not in my arms but in my life. Watching him sleep.
Peaceful.
I can remember this moment in the hospital, trying to rest my body but unable to sleep as I watched him sleep. It’s funny how, as a Mama, you don’t need the TV or entertainment or people, you are perfectly content watching another human just lie there, with their eyes closed, praying for sweet dreams. I love being a Mama.
This time next week, I’ll be doing the same thing, with another baby, whom I’ve just met but have loved for so long. Joyfully. Peacefully. Sleepily.
Watching.
I can’t wait to see her! And that picture is so great. I do love watching my babies sleep (or my big kids but whatever I still call them babies).
nothing too much sweeter than a sleeping baby. That picture speaks so many words! Oh, how things will change in a week, so much to look forward to. I need more coffee, I can’t think. Great post, though!
Loved this…..xoxo
I so know.
And totally treasure those moments.
Beautiful!!
{sniff!}
Love this post! So beautiful, and true for all of us mamas! Thinking about you as you are about to experience this all over again. Enjoy your last days of pregnancy.
This made me tear up. You expressed here so beautifully the way so many of us feel. And that last photo reminds me of an Aerosmith song I used to sing to my first baby girl. Not really a lullaby… but it was our rockabye. “I could stay awake just to hear you breathing… watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you’re far away and dreaming… I could spend my life in this sweet surrender… I could stay lost in this moment… forever…” Well, you know the song. Thanks for sharing.
What a sweet post. Just the other day I was thinking about my daughter, now almost 18 months, and how much I cherish the snuggly time that has naturally less and less. But when she does come running for a hug or snuggle or story I am taken back to the moments that seem so long ago of the days we seemed to do nothing but cuddle. Best wishes to your family!
LOVE. So exciting, so beautiful.
This is happymaking, all of it. I’m so glad you’re having a baby so I can get some baby snuggles in.
Such a beautiful post. I can’t believe it is already time for the little miss. I can’t wait to meet her and hear her name. I think it is going to be something biblical because of the other three names.
sweetness…pure sweetness…thank you….so many blessings….so much gratitude….so much love!!! keeping you all so very close to my heart!!! xoxoxo
i cannot believe you will have a newborn next week. i think you need to post a few belly shots of your full-term belly. so excited to to see pictures of your new baby girl with her siblings. i don’t reply much but i love your blog and your photos. your kids are beautiful and the pics of little eli always give me a big smile:)
So sweet!
Such a beautiful picture and memory. I can hardly wait to be introduced to the new little one.
Aww so beautiful. I am nursing my tiny one right now and watching her drift off to sleep in my arms. There’s nothing better.
Beautiful.
Steph
I love this post AND I can’t wait to meet the next love of our lives!
What a beautiful post, your writing was wonderful. You are a beautiful Mama.
Crying, crying, trying not to throw up, more crying…
Great post.
What a beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing! xoxo
BEST. post. ever.
I can’t wait to see photos of her SO soon!
I love it! I would wear my glasses all night so that when I obsessively needed to look at the baby I’d have them already on. I didn’t trust myself to have them in the bed with me after a c-section and on pain meds which I hated. I didn’t enjoy having the baby away from me after carrying him/her for 9+ months.
I can’t wait to see pictures of the new baby girl!
Such beautiful moments, both the one you recalled and the one captured in the photo.
Wow, next week. So exciting!!
What a beautiful post! I know those moments so well. I am a mom of 2 boys age 2 and 4 and one newborn baby girl. I could watch them all sleep all day if I could. I will cherish everyone of those moments forever!