So, Adam. Let’s just get this out of the way. I am waaaay tired. I’m really full from eating pizza tonight but I’m eating nachos right now to try to stay awake. This show better be REALLY good.
Ryan started out by saying that the one guy with the low voice was kicked off of the show which is a little sad because I liked his voice. Whatever his name is. Was. Whatever, I don’t care.
Adam: I join you in the not caring. I may have cared earlier in the day when you broke the news to me, but Tangerine J Lo and Pimp Steven Tyler have renewed my apathy for such things. I’m ready to be wowed. I need to be wowed. Whoa’d even.
So, Phil Phillerson Philly Phillipson Phillips is up after after having some kidney stones removed. He’s singing Hard to Handle which sounds good and he is less Dave Matthews-like tonight, which I definitely appreciate. He sounded good.
Adam: I’m in full agreement with one thing Steven said: “Watch your melody.” I like the quality of his voice, but Phil is pretty boring melodically. And his faces creep me out. I also don’t like the fact that he was born the year the Black Crowes recorded this song. No, not one bit.
Next up: Jessica Sanchez singing “Turn the Beat A. . . yawn.” Why? Why, Beth? Why did she choose such a lame song? Why is she dressed up like Michael Jackson’s sequined glove? Why did Randy steal an outfit from my 4th grade teacher? So much confusion for me.
I remember last week when the judges loved her and gave her a standing ovation and we were like “huh? It sucked.” That was funny. Anyway, enough with the memories. I just can’t believe she’s sixteen. And I can’t believe how much I hate this song but at least it’s 750 times better than Gloria’s version of the song. Which is not saying much.
Heejun is hitting it hard with a Richard Marx song, Right Here Waiting. I’m stunned, no, SHOCKED that he chose this song. This was not my favorite performance of his at all. In fact, if next week he walked on stage and sang If You’re Happy and You Know It in a kermit the frog voice, that would be better. GAH. Hated it.
Also, hated Richard’s hair.
Adam: I don’t know how Heejun managed to take the sappiest song from my high school days and make it even sappier. Congrats, Heejun. Somewhere in the ’90s, a room full of teenage girls is leaning on your piano in tears. Everyone else in time and space, however, just barfed.
Elise just took on Al Green. It’s always a good idea to sing songs telling America to keep you around. Let’s Stay Together: good. I’m Going Home: bad. Good choice, Elise. But as much as I like her voice, I didn’t like what she did to the song. More nuance, less vocal chord ripping, if you please.
So, Elise sang a pretty song tonight. Ho-hum. The end.
DeAndre Hair is up singing Endless Love. Oh, how this song makes me want to go to a wedding. Wait a minute. HOLD THE PHONE. I just realized he looks just like Fergie. Whoa. And that observation was a million times more interesting than that song.
Adam: A) You know how I feel about Mariah, but: Luther and Mariah’s version of Endless Love sucked ass. Let’s just get that out of the way right now. B) DeMo needs to sing easy songs. Not songs without risks, but Easy Like Sunday Morning Lionel Ritchie songs.C) I didn’t know if he was being more Luther or Mariah, but I think I fell in love with DeAndre a little bit tonight . . . so I guess I have my answer.
Adam:Wait . . . Jimmy has a phone that plays songs? How is this possible? MAGIC! Okay, I’ll take Mariah collaborations for $600, Alex. Goodness, Shannon is singing One Sweet Day in an inside-out rhinestone jacket and the shorts Mariah wore in Glitter. The song was no better than that movie. Holy crap that was sucktastic.
I have got to get my hands on one of those new-fangled phones with the music playing, OMG. Hated this rendition. Hated her shorts. And her blazer. Why is everyone wearing sequins? I feel like I should have worn something other than my pajamas and queso-stained shirt tonight.
Colton “the skunk” is up next. I can’t believe he went out to dinner with my boyfriend Chris Daughtry. He’s performing a song by White Lion. Oh gosh, I just don’t know. There were some aspects of that song that were good but mostly I can’t stop thinking about how Tangerine J-Lo is wearing a shamwow and I can’t wait to hear about how much you hate him. That’s my favorite.
Adam: The thing I loved about this performance is how you could tell the song was coming deep from that smoldering vacuous pit where his soul would have been if he hadn’t traded it for hair product and misplaced arrogance. But yeah, I’ll never think about that as a White Lion song again. It’s just a hilarious little tune sung by one of Satan’s acid-washed pubes.
Adam: Deep breath. Okay. Erica sang Heaven. I love her for being born before I turned 20. However, have you ever eaten pancakes and accidentally put twice as much maple syrup as you intended on them? Yeah, give them to Erica. That’s her style. It’s too much, Erica! Too much.
I’m feeling a little bad that I’m so negative tonight. I guess I’m just waiting for someone to knock my socks off and it just hasn’t happened, yet. I’m starting to wonder if it’s going to happen at all this year. Erica was good but I’m pretty sure I can sing that better. I’m going to go wake the kids have them take a listen.
So, we said good-bye to Jermaine. I hate that they made their confrontation public. Idol will certainly do anything for ratings. Ugh. I’m angry. Not because he’s gone but because they had to televise their confrontation.
Adam: Yeah. That was awkward. I didn’t need to see that. Meh.
Adam: It’s a tough transition to go from sad confrontation and exploitation to the eternally smiling Skylar, so I’ll just do it. Skylar can sing. She could stand to dial back the occasional shouting and dial up . . . the coolness? I keep waiting for Simon to explode out of the audience and call her old fashioned. Because she’s kind of old fashioned. Like shoulder pads and poofy bangs.
Yes, shoulder pads! You nailed that observation. Skylar has such a good voice. When she sings country, I’m reminded why I don’t love country music but I can’t hide from the fact that she has a great voice.
So, at this point in the show, I’m convinced that this show will never end. Especially with the crawfish demonstration. C’mon Idol, I’ve got a massaging bed waiting for me, dammit!
Joshua Ledet is up and singing When a Man Loves a Woman and let me tell you something. If you had asked me when this song was written, I definitely would have said “1972″ not in the nineties. I hate being old. Anyway, super soulful and probably my favorite performance tonight.
Adam: I’ll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I’m a Joshua Ledet fan. For my money, it doesn’t get any better than when he sings, “When a Man Loves a Woman.” Office Space references aside, my favorite part was his admission that he just wanted to go backstage and eat. That’s what it’s all about.
Hollie sang The Power of Love. This Celine Dion song was bigger than Hollie. You know what else is bigger than Hollie? A small Blizzard.
Oh, Adam. You crack me up. This is a big song but I was mildly impressed until that last note. WHOA. That was rough.
So, who’s going home?
Beth (WHO WAS RIGHT LAST WEEK THANKYOUVERYMUCH): Shannon
Adam: Shannon Migraine