Adam: Beth, have I told you lately how much I love two-hour episodes of American Idol? What? I haven’t? Oh. Well that’s probably because I just don’t know how to express my extreme love for them. They don’t waste time at all. And these guy-girl duets? Totally necessary and awesome. Are you ready for another round of fun, sans Heejun the lensless wonder?
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I totally tune into Idol each week FOR the unnecessary duets. Man, I love ‘em.
Adam: DeAndre is singing something by DeBarge. Doesn’t that tell us all we really need to know about DeAndre? Good. Because I want to just take a moment to express my sympathy for the poor girl he sat next to who just showed America her undies. We’ve all been there. Also: Randy is dressed for a clown funeral.
aw. Sad clown day. And sad day for my ears, too.
Elise Testone is up singing “I Want to Know What Love Is” I have the answer … NOT THIS SONG. I don’t know, Adam. I know she rocked it last week but this week seemed so safe. It’s not a tough song to sing. I’m pretty glad the song is over.
Adam: I don’t understand why so many people on this show have said “It’s a great song, but . . .” It’s not a great song. It should have stayed buried in the ’80s. I can’t think of a song that would be less Elise than that was. Oh, honey.
There was a rumor that Colton and Skylar were dating? I thought I’ve made it perfectly clear that Colton can only date Colton.
Phillip Phillips sang Phil Collins. I can feel it in the air tonight. And by it, I mean total insanity. Phil Collins? He didn’t hit the right notes. He looked like he was passing a Ryan-Seacrest-sized kidney stone. I did not enjoy that performance.
Well, Adam, I liked it a lot. He did a good job of making the song sound current and he seemed a little bit sexy, too. (wait. is he over 18? If not, I didn’t say that. Seriously. I didn’t.) I have a lot of trouble getting past his Dave Matthews impression (obviously because I mention it EVERY DAMN WEEK) but I’m trying. I’m trying.
Joshua Ledet sang If You Don’t Know Me by Now. I just did not love him this week. And the whispering singers in the background were a little creepy. And the fake floating candles. The smoke. Just too much. But I don’t know, I guess the judges disagree. Whatever, judges.
Adam: I think we need to go over the concept of theme night with the contestants, Beth. The song should be from the ’80s, but it shouldn’t make us feel like we’re in the ’80s. 2012, people. Will somebody please sing like it’s 2012? I thought Josh did great vocally, but the whole performance felt so old. And not vintage. Just musty.
Jessica sang Whitney. And her voice is really nice, but the style is, again, trapped in 1988. She had a keytar in the band for crying out loud! It’s fine. She can sing. But she can’t make me like it. What happened to the singers I loved last week?
Oh my good gravy, Jessica. Why does she hate my ears?! Make it stop. She’s so off key and screeching and I sing so much better than her and that is such a terrible insult. GAH NO GO AWAY. And the judges liked it? NO. This makes me a little angry.
Hollie is singing “What a Feeling.” It’s amazing how she looks 12 during rehearsals and then gets on stage and turns 67. I don’t get it. She has been very pitchy throughout the song and I didn’t like it. Not one bit, Adam.
Adam: I mostly got confused by her ring that was the exact size, color, and shape of the microphone. It looked like the mic had a goiter. Also, old lady Hollie the 12 year old, if you’re singing a song about dancing for your life . . . you have to dance. Or sing. One of the two.
Colton is singing Time after Time. I’ll give you the Jekyll and Hyde of this performance. This was probably Colton’s best song of the year. He sang really well, and he actually sang it in the style of the century we’re in now. Novel! I still can’t stand how in love with himself he is, though. (And he is.) Ugh.
I did NOT hate this song, certain parts were actually quite good. I enjoyed it, Adam. As usual, I did not like the voice cracking but maybe that’s what kids do these days. What do I know? I’m 67. Like Hollie.
Skyler Laine is performing Wind Beneath my Wings gone Country tonight. Gosh, I don’t know. Pretty song and pretty dress but the twaawaang was just so over done. You know what? This was not my favorite but SHOCKINGLY the judges loved it. They are standing and J-Lo is crying. And I am sticking a fork in my eye.
Adam: Beth, did you ever know that you’re my hero? Truth. (By the way, I think Skylar did a great job. And I liked it. A lot.)
Who’s going home?
What do you guys think?