Last week, we opted to not do Idol Chat, which was totally my idea. I based this decision on two things: 1. I had to work and 2. Nobody will ever notice. But you know what? I was wrong. Two people noticed, Adam. TWO. Makes it all seem worth it.
Just seven contestants remain. Now, I’m no mathematician but I believe they must have saved Jessica last week which means last week was a total waste of time for all of America. (except for me because I didn’t watch it. heh.)
Tonight, each contestant will sing two songs. Oh, Idol. You love money.
Adam: They love money and they hate our word count limits. Speaking of word count limits, I can’t describe J-Lo’s outfit without shattering them, so . . . what the what?
Hollie is performing “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele. I can appreciate how difficult this song is to sing, I don’t know if you know this, Adam, but I am a professional shower singer and I often sing this number and lemme tell you, it’s tricky. She did well. I thought it was interesting and I thought she finally didn’t look like a 68 year old woman while performing so that was totally a bonus.
Adam: Hollie started off awesome, but then she kind of crawled down the ladder of emotional intensity (this is a real ladder, they sell it at Menard’s). I thought she sang okay, but I didn’t love it and definitely didn’t believe it.
Adam: Colton cracked me up this week singing Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” He absolutely nailed the bad part. My favorite part was when he tried to hit low notes and made a face like a bullfrog getting kicked in the crotch. Four stars, Colton. That was entertaining.
So, basically, Colton was a mix of Adam Lambert and Marilyn Manson and Lady GaGa. That was one crazy performance. Adam, I didn’t HATE it. I most certainly did not love it but it was interesting. Would I ever buy that crap on iTunes. Of course not, but I’ve heard worse. (see above: me singing in the shower.)
Elise is singing No One by Alicia Keys. I like this song and I really like her outfit. But yeah, Jimmy Iovine can’t figure out why she’s not getting any votes and let me help him out, ahem, “because she’s not good, man.” I’m serious. I mean, she’s got a fine voice but for this? No. She sings completely out of her nose.
And seriously, am I the only one just waiting for J-Lo’s n!pple to pop out of one of those slits?
Adam: Yup. You’re the only one. I did figure out what she’s wearing: one of those plastic folding lounge chairs. You know the kind. Anyway. I love Elise. Her voice is so smooth. And rough somehow. You know. And her dog is dying, Beth! But this song was just alright.
I don’t get Phillip Phillips. I liked his interpretation but I always pretty much yawn at his execution. His voice is bland. It all sounds like the same note. And his face is weird.
Okay, I love LOVED Philly’s performance, everything about it. It was sexy and entertaining and hello? A 12 string guitar? Nice. I’m impressed. Loved it.
Jessica, also known as “she who should be sitting at home in her pajamas right now,” is performing. She performed “Falling” by Alicia Keys and wow, that was pretty safe and boring. The most interesting thing about it was the medicine man pouch she was wearing during the performance. I’m afraid she’s going to cast a spell on me for not praising her. That must be why the judges are pretending to love her.
Adam: If we don’t vote for her, she’ll shrink our heads? Um . . . then Jessica, that was amazing! Hooray! I love overdone runs and flyaway hair! Jessica is hard for me to figure out. She’s good, but not interesting. If this were American Meh, I’d still be dialing.
Skylar’s country GaGa was pretty fun. It hardly even sounded like “Respect Yourself” the way she did it. It wasn’t my favorite performance, but it was definitively hers, and I enjoyed it! I like to see her growing as an artist. Especially now that she’s lost the shoulder pads.
Gosh, I just don’t know. No really. I don’t know. It was hard to hear her over the crunching of my nachos. I heard a lot of twang and saw some fireworks. I’m kidding. *cough* It was most certainly not my style of music but she was entertaining.
Joshua is singing a Fantasia song. I was never a fan of hers (sorry) so I’m already thinking this song is way better than how she can perform it. I like Joshua. I love how he performs. He did well.
Adam: Joshua is probably my favorite, but I’m worried. He has an amazing voice. He has an old-school style I really appreciate. But you know what I’m not sure he has, Beth? It. There’s just something missing from his performances . . . a killer instinct, maybe?
And then there was Hollie, kicking off the second round of songs: soul. And I think that’s what’s missing from Hollie’s arsenal. Soul. She has a soul, she’s not Colton. But she doesn’t have soul in her songs. It’s just notes and and words and old-lady aura. But no soul. I love “Son of a Preacherman,” but Hollie took the life out of it.
Yeah, I completely agree. I just thought she yelled a lot, maybe? Her voice is so amazing but wow, boring. Seems like such a waste to sound so good and be so boring.
Colton Dixon is performing Earth Wind and Fire for his second round. The truth is, he is insanely pitchy. Some songs you don’t really notice it but this one? Seriously pitchy. I don’t think anyone could rewind that performance and argue. Also, don’t rewatch it It wasn’t very good.
Adam: I don’t . . . what was . . . why . . . um. The fact that there exists a certain subset of the American population that watched that performance, picked up the phone, and texted like crazy to make sure similar things happen again makes me want to move to Antarctica.
Elise is singing “Let’s Get It On.” And I’m not sure if this is what she was going for, but it was hilarious! No? That’s . . . not what she was going for? Still, I’ll vote for unintended hilarity.
Alright, this performance by Elise seals the deal – girl needs to go bye-bye. I mean, her boobs being pushed up and her cat screeches and the sexy white couch certainly make me want to vote for her but uh, I think I’ll pass.
Phillip Phillips is performing “Wait Til the Midnight Hour” and within the first few moments I’m thrown back to the moments before tonight’s first performance when I just didn’t like him. The shoulder shrugging, the Cliff Huxtable dancing, GAH. Just. No. He has a good voice and a great sense of style for music but that was not anything that could sell a record these days.
Adam: There were parts of this performance I liked, but none of them involved him dancing or shrugging or making faces. I just feel like Phillip is turning into a caricature. I like his voice, I just don’t like what he does with it. It’s the Phil formula. A Phormula if you will. Add some growls, some modified melody, some looks out of the corner of your eye, and that song done just got Philled.
Jessica is singing one of my all-time favorite soul songs, Try a Little Tenderness. This is a good test. And three seconds in, she failed it. This is a song that has to build gradually from a slow growl to a strained cry of expectation and then, finally, an emotional explosion. She went the oversing then oversing faster and louder. Blech.
The first few lines of this performance I didn’t really care for but I’m telling you, I.LOVE.THIS.SONG so it gets me every time and you know, she SANG this song. I liked it and I liked the little harp hanging from her neck, too. So cute.
Oh wow, so Skylar makes me tired. I’m just going to get that off my chest. She sang “Heard it Through the Grapevine.” Interestingly enough or mayhaps not interesting at all, I do not like this song. Maybe it’s because we sang it for a school music performance in fourth grade and I was like “wha? this makes no sense? what the hell is a grapevine? where are the raisins?” Because I still feel this way about this song. But she did well, she has a good voice, for sure. And now I need a nap.
Adam: I just don’t understand why she’s yelling at me about the grapevine. She seems all happy and excited, and it doesn’t match the song at all. “I hear you’re about to leave me . . . yee haw!” I love the idea of taking soul songs to Nashville, but let’s not take them all the way to Crazytown.
Joshua ends the night (it’s over now, right?) with the Sam Cooke classic that Idol contestants love. And Joshua did kill it a little bit. He did. I liked it. He sang with patience. He sang with feeling. He sang with power. And he sang with furiously glistening eyes. Good heavens.
Joshua just IS soulful, every song he sings, in fact, I wonder if he’d try to not be soulful, if he’d succeed. And this song was no different but you know what? His voice kinda grated on my nerves. Weird. Because I like his voice.
Who’s going home?
Who do you guys think?
Comments are greatly appreciated. No really. We cry when we don’t get them.