I spent so much of my life singing the song “kiss the sky” as “excuse me as I kiss this guy” not realizing that it was “kiss the sky” not “kiss this guy.”
I’ve looked back at such a thing as a complete waste of time. Did I really spend time doing something so incorrectly? It actually frustrates me.
I’ve spent much of my morning editing for my clients. I am so disgustingly, disturbingly, embarrassingly behind I can hardly stand it. I actually have tears in my eyes as I admit that to you. I edit my images by tens, I start with ten in Lightroom, move them to Photoshop, I edit all ten, and then I save all ten. I had just edited the tenth one, about to save them all when Photoshop failed and “closed unexpectedly.” I watched the images disappear before my eyes. I literally envisioned the time I just spent editing those images, maybe 25 minutes? 25 minutes I simply do not have, be flushed down the toilet. A complete waste of time.
It led towards a downward spiral of thoughts of time wasted.
I rinse the kids’ sinks of toothpaste only to return to sinks with toothpaste plastered on them.
I finally get the laundry caught up when I have to do another load and another and another and another and OMG.
I change a diaper. Well, you know. I change another and another and another. so much poop.
Every night, it’s homework and dinner and prepping for the next day and finally getting the kids to bed and responding to clients and picking up toys and every day it’s the exact same thing DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
The grocery store? How do I need to go grocery shopping every three days?!
Every day is a battle with a different child about something different. My first battle today was with Anna at five in the morning after I fell asleep after one in the morning. How can my oldest child be my most challenging? (I ask her this same question, she has no good answer.)
I take ten minutes to paint my nails as “a treat” to me and chip them ten minutes later. (probably from ridding the sinks of toothpaste)
I pay my bills only to get another bill for the next month seemingly minutes after the paying the bill.
A bathe Eli before bed and the next day he runs macaroni and cheese through his hair.
Is this my life? Is this your life? Do I fight it or accept it?
I recently learned that with 3 conscience breaths you can recover from anything.
So, I take the three deep breaths. Slow. Steady. Mindful.
and maybe for a minute, maybe two, I feel a bit of much desired peace in my heart, maybe it lasts and maybe it doesn’t. But it does remind me that peace is attainable, however brief, if I allow myself even a minute to retrieve it.
And it doesn’t mean that my problems and my concerns, my busy-ness of my day and life go away but it means that even for those three conscience breaths I took time to BE. For me. And that helped when I really needed it.