Adam: How in the name of Ryan Seacrest’s immaculate hair poof did we get here? The finale? Two contestants? A Tuesday night? Jessica and Phillip and Phillips and no Joshua? And, more importantly, still no Colton? Beth, I feel like we’re on fast forward, J-Lo looks like the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, and the show is only an hour. Could you be more excited? /Chandler

You are so good at the details. I actually had to rewind and look at the Leg Lamp herself once you mentioned it and by golly, you are right, Chandler. The season did fly by, probably because it wasn’t a very good season. *shrugs* But let me tell you something. If I had a ton of money like J-Lo, I wouldn’t make my tops out of electrical tape, Just seems totally unnecessary.

Adam: Jessica started things off on a grand note with a dress so long she had to hold it, a Whitney song that was probably just a touch too big for her, and wearing what I can only assume was a bedazzled ring pop. It was just kind of meh for me. The producers and judges need to stop feeding her super-diva songs. It’s really not fair. She’s 16, not Celine Dion.

This is such a good song but I felt like she was like an angry Mama yelling at her kids at Target. Sometimes, she was singing, but other times her growls were just a little too grrrrrrrrrrr for me. My favorite note of hers was her last because she actually sang it. And also because it was her last.

Phillip Phillips McPhilliperson is singing Stand By Me for the first round. Just a great choice of song for him. I loved how he made it more current, loved the acoustic guitar, but I wasn’t totally wowed and in love with him. And that facial expression that he makes that looks like he’s trying to poop? I don’t know, call me crazy but I can’t get used to it.

Adam: Phillip lost me on the chorus. I didn’t feel like he was standing by me so much as meandering aimlessly around me. Probably looking for a place to poop. Phillip, it’s the finale. You probably should start thinking about being in it to win it. Also: J-Lo’s eyebrows are bothering me.

Jessica’s second song is The Prayer. Oh man, I’m just not wowed by Jessica tonight. Vocally it was okay, but artistically? Jessica was a messica. It’s a slow song to begin with, and slowing it down, stripping it of its well rounded power, and throwing unwarranted runs into random places just did not help me love this.

Say what?! Messica? (awesome, by the way) I loved this performance. Not only did I find it a great performance but her dress was perfection. Which is really what’s most important. Well, what’s really most important is that she appeared to have eaten her ring pop between songs. Such a smart girl.

Phillip is back up with Moving Out. So. He sounded the same as usual. Nothing spectacular but there is just something about his facial expressions tonight that are really bugging me. But mostly what bugs me is that I haven’t had nachos in seven days.

Adam: I liked this. I remember not liking his original performance of this song nearly as much, but this seemed fresh somehow. The creepy looks are out of control, and I can’t even comment on the nacho drought without crying, so maybe we should just move on to round three.

Okay, round three. Um . . . can we go back to the happy times of creepy faces and longing for queso? The song was lame. Jessica’s voice sounded strained. She looked bored. Where in the David Archuleta loving world did Jessica misplace all her cute? I’m not happy with this finale.

First of all, Steven is such a pretty woman tonight. I don’t know how he does it. I didn’t hate this performance but I found myself happily distracted by her bedhead and the acrylic steps beside the piano and also my stomach was growling.

Adam, you must know that from just the guitar part at the beginning that I would love this song. You know this right? HOLY FREAKING CRAP, I love love loved this song. It’s right up my alley, totally something I’d listen to, happily, a million times. I loved it. By far, THE BEST performance, wait for it … of the season. By anyone.

Adam: Shhh. I’m listening again.

Who’s going to win?

Beth: after that last performance, it better be Phillip, dammit.

Adam: I’m thinking Phillip wins, based solely on the last performance. I’m voting now.

Me, too. Adam. Me too.

Chime in and tell us who you guys think will win!

…that’s it for Idol Chat. Maybe we’ll see you next year!

Adam: I can’t believe Idol’s down to three. The best top three contestants ever. The best season ever. The closest race ever. Apparently. It’s the best everything ever, and there’s only one week left! But first, the best three performances ever. Are you ready for the bestest bestness in the history of all that is best, Beth?

I am and you know what this means? That Idol Chat is the best thing to ever happen to the internet ever. or something.

Adam: First up, it’s the judges’ choice round, and Randy picked Etta James’s I’d Rather Be Blind for Joshua. Perfect choice. I don’t know if he also selected Joshua’s well-upholstered jacket, but let’s just go ahead and call it a double-dog win for Randy. Joshua’s so smooth, so bad, so awesome. I’m finally to the point where I’ll be angry if he doesn’t win.

I love his style. I love his voice. I love his smile. Overall, I just totally enjoy him. But I was a teeny tiny bit bored, I can’t lie to you. But he’s got soul and I appreciate that.

Adam, yesterday I had some pretty good oral surgery done and I can’t have nachos tonight. I’m completely thrown off my game, so if I make no sense, it’s because of the lack of nachos and has nothing, I REPEAT, nothing to do with pain killers. So, Jessica Nachos is up and she’s singing about queso. Wait. That can’t be right.

In all seriousness, I can’t but help but think that Jessica really, really struggled with some of the vocals in this song. Really pitchy and also, why do the judges love EVERY SINGLE SONG? Not all songs are all that lovable, judges.

Adam: That was the worst song choice in the history of song choices. Don’t choose Mariah. Don’t choose an unknown song. Don’t put anybody but Maya to sing. That was dreadful. And why is this the year of Mariah? Geez, Beth, you must be dying. No nachos and Mariah overload? Holy crap, it’s just not fair. J-Lo did Jessica wrong by having her sing that shlock.

Adam: Steven, on the other hand, served up awesome on a platter of genius to Phillip Phillips and the Phils. Madcon’s Beggin’ was perfect for him. I don’t love Phil like some other people do, but that rocked. Not my favorite song, but it was my favorite song for him. It sounded as good as I can expect that kid to sound. Very nice. I didn’t even laugh as I watched.

I’ve never heard this song that Phillip Phillips (why did his parents do that to him, by the way?) is singing but I like it. And I like Phillip. I’m finally to the point where I’ll be angry if he doesn’t win. (I’ve heard those words from somewhere…)

So, Joshua is up again and he’s performing Imagine, this was his song choice for this round. What an interesting choice of song.Not really my favorite performance of his. I love his voice but this song did nothing to showcase his talent and really, I closed my eyes and thought his rendition would make a good cell phone commercial.

Adam: Okay, Joshua, let’s go over this. When you sing a song, you have to believe the whole song, not just the melody. Joshua gave a heartfelt performance of a nice little song, but I don’t think the rich, powerful vocal matched the heart of the song’s message. It was just kinda nice. I don’t think he connected with it at all, I don’t care what he told the judges. Meh.

Adam: Jessica’s choice is Aerosmith, because duh. I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing just isn’t the same when I’m not watching Armageddon, but I still liked what Jessica’s doing with it. I should note, outside of my own shower singing, I’ve never been that impressed with anyone’s version of this song. Granted, Tiny Jessica brutalized the last power note, but she still did a nice job. She actually toned down her usually exaggerated runs, too. Nice.

Oh, Jessica. Why are you playing it so safe tonight? Nothing exciting, nothing truly exceptional … just, meh, nice.

Phillip is back on stage with a song by Matchbox 20. Here’s how I’m feeling about Phillip lately: he has his sound figured out and no matter the genre, no matter the song assignment, he makes each performance sound like him and that is pretty awesome. Adam, I don’t know if it’s obvious or not but I’m leaning toward Team Phillip. And the vein popping out of his forehead when he sings? I’m a fan.

Adam: I’m pretty sure Disease is my brother’s favorite song to sing karaoke, which makes me a) miss my brother, and b) miss Simon. And Beth, I agree that Phillip makes every song sound like him, but there’s a fine line between making every song your own and making every song sound the same. Phillip crosses that line too much for me, though I think he was on the fresher side of unique this time.

Adam: There are big songs that make you sing along. The perfect songs to make you dance. The songs that inspire you. But Mary J. Blige’s No More Drama? It’s a song that forces you to just stop and listen. It’s a work of art. It’s all vocal. All raw emotion. You have to either sing it true and perfect or don’t even bother. Joshua did it. It hurt to listen, but in the very best way. Absolutely outstanding.

There’s no doubt Joshua was feeling that performance, the joy and passion were evident during that performance and that is admirable and awesome.

Once again Jessica shows up on stage and sings a good song, nothing extraordinary and pretty safe.

Adam: And let’s be honest. She’s singing the Mariah Carey version of this song, not the Jackson 5 one. This is crazy.

Adam: Jimmy picked We’ve Got Tonight by Bob Seger for Phillip’s last performance of the night. And I’m not sure what to say . . . because Phil didn’t Phil it. The song’s melody went unchanged. Weird faces were left unmade. He didn’t go all raspy. He didn’t play his guitar. I didn’t even think of Dave Matthews. Beth, I’m scared.

So, I like this song, I think he sounds great and I like Phillip but I don’t like the way he’s rubbing his leg the whole time, it’s creeping me out. Now I’m back on Team Joshua.

Finally, it’s over. Time for dreams of queso.

Who’s going home?

Beth: Jessica

Adam: Phillip

What do you guys think? Who’s going home?