Adam: It’s hard to believe it has been a year since Philip Philips rocked our pajamas off with “Home,” but it has. It feels like it’s been almost that long since our last Idol Chat. Are you ready for this business, baby? I mean Beth?

I think I’m ready. I’ve got my pajamas buttoned up tight and a nice tall drink. Let’s do this.

Adam: Okay, so Kree started it off with a little Sarah McLachlan, minus the sad images of abandoned puppies. More like Sarah McROCKlan, because Kree rocked that puppy. Understated, for once. That really kind of kicked ass. Great way to start for Kree, I say.

It’s interesting to me that you liked it because I felt it was a bit boring and by a bit I mean A LOT. I’m also interested in what the judges have to say about it except not really. Adam, don’t tell anyone I said this but I think Nikki looks pretty tonight. shhh….

Candice is singing “Chasing Pavement.” I love that she has that Jill Scott vibe when she sings, her voice is just incredible but I was not blown away, by any means. Although, her boots? THEY FANCY.

Adam: But I’m not sure they were made for walking. Anyway, I’m just so disappointed that we’re at my floor. I hate to step off this elevator. Its music is oh so pretty. Oh, wait . . . that was Candice? Oh. Hmm. Okay. Also, Mariah. Beyond what, you raving pile of done?

Adam: In the second round, Kree hit us with “All Cried Out,” which I believe is an original song. I won’t comment on the song itself other than to say that it seemed to expose the weaknesses in Kree’s voice, even though I actually liked the way she expressed herself vocally. Other than the whole, you know, pitch thing.

You are a smart, smart fellow. I could not agree more. Maybe her ears were broken? Or maybe OUR ears are broken? Either way. I need ice cream.

Candice is singing “I am beautiful.” I think it’s so unfair to Kree and Candice that the best original song EVER went to Phillip Phillips last year. Too bad for them. I didn’t hate that song but I did not fall in love with it.

Adam: I agree, and I kind of think they should have abandoned the original song category this time based on that premise. Too much to live up to. This was a complete yawner. I guess the performance was fine. I’ve already forgotten it.

On to Kree III. She’s singing a Patty Griffin song, which is always a good choice, even when not in the shower. It was good. Not great. I really really really love the song, and I only really really liked the performance. Still. Very nice. I don’t know if it’s championship-quality, but it was nice.

I agree with you AND Randy. It was very nice and definitely her best performance of the night. But I’m not sure that’s saying too much.

Candice is performing “I Have Nothing,”now here’s a performance that actually grabbed my attention. Even the Coke-inspired stage graphics didn’t annoy me because I enjoyed this performance so much. Well done. Great way to end the show.

Adam: That? Was the sound of winning.

Adam: Beth, it’s starting to get serious here. Four finalists. Four judges. Four hours of introductory videos and Ryan Seacrest talking. Are you ready for this quadruple craziness?

I’m so excited for this show that I drank four times as much alcohol just to get me through.

Adam: Amber is starting us off with The Power of Love, which wasn’t slow and dramatic enough when Celine Dion originally sang it, apparently. Vocally, it was pretty great. But I hope I never have to listen to it again.

And Keith Urban sounds like the fifth Wiggle.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m going to listen to it four more times. Not because it was so great but because I keep falling asleep. (also, notice the number four appearing. AGAIN.)

How can I not say anything about Candice’s earrings? They are BY FAR the largest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Notice I did not say the largest earrings. THE LARGEST THINGS EVER. She’s performing a song I’ve never heard before which is fine except it wasn’t super catchy to me. She sounded good but this performance was nothing special.

Adam: Candice appears to have discovered what I didn’t know: that the hottest thing in America right now is smooth jazz. I’m so excited to know this now.

Kree is about to sing “It Hurts So Bad,” and I really hope that’s not supposed to be some kind of warning to my ears. I also have to mention Kree totally missed the memo about the giant, scene-stealing earrings, instead opting for leather pants. Um. I’m not sure that was wise. Oh, and she sang. I didn’t really feel it.

I agree with you. Boring. Red shirt. Black pants. Regular-sized earrings. Blah performance. Now we have to suffer through Mariah speaking. This is the worst night ever.

Angie’s performance…hmmm…I was all excited to talk about All the Teeth but then her performance confused me. I kinda really liked it and I sorta hated it. I don’t know, Adam. You tell me what I thought about that performance. I’m begging you.

Adam: I’ll tell you, Beth . . .

Wait for it . . .

Angie is Colton Dixon. That is why we hate that shit.

While the duets are going on, I just want to say that the three non-Randy judges have a remarkable knack for taking turns making love to the camera. It’s obscene. And hilarious. They’re such attention whores. Randy’s too cool for that scene. That’s all.

Speaking of Randy being cool, he looks very Arthur Fonzarelli tonight with his low cut shirt. I think I saw a chest hair. Yes, just one.

Adam: Oh, Amber. No. I can’t talk to you. Beth? Can you do me a favor? If one of the judges calls this performance “current,” will you use some weapon to kill me right now? Something current, like a mace, an arrowhead, or a catapult? Dear lord, why am I not dead already?

Oh, crap. Randy said she was current, I have to go grab my arrowhead. It was nice knowing you, Adam. That performance was not enjoyable for me at all. Especially her shoesbootssandals.

So, Candice is singing Emotion. First, well, forget it, I can’t be clever. She sounded good but again, I wasn’t blown away. Not even an inch away.

Adam: It sucked. It shouldn’t have happened in nineteen-seventy-never, and it shouldn’t have happened today. Oh, and you know that thing where you watch a DVD and forget to press the stop button and there’s some awful sound at the end of the credits? Mariah talking is that. The cue that I forgot to press the skip button.

Kree is singing A Tireder Shade of Bored. Even her diamond shoes were boring. Blah. It was so blah. When was this song a hit? What was wrong with you when this song qualified as a hit, America? I give up. I have no hope for this season.

Oh man. This song hurt my head and probably my ears. I’m sad because I like Kree but she was so disappointing and just so just top 10 this week, not final four.

Angie is singing Cry Me a River. Adam, there has been a LOT of (p)leather on this show tonight. And also tears. Mine. And yours. Tonight’s show was not good. I’m wondering if anyone will agree with us tonight? Or are we just grouchy old men who should be in bed by 7pm?

Adam: No, we’re not grouchy old men. If we were grouchy old men, we may have looked up with glee from our shuffleboard match at the dulcet tones of OLD FART NIGHT.

That’s all for tonight. Join us next week when we take a shot of tequila for every time someone wears large earrings, wears pleather and #INITTOWINIT appears on the screen.

Who’s going home?

Adam: Kree
Beth: Kree

Adam: Last week, I heard the birds singing as if for the first time. Sunshine seemed purer. Truth became palpable. Love went from being an emotion to an action to a state of being. Last Thursday? Colton went home. I’m sure everyone celebrated in their own ways (J Lo commemorated the moment by dressing like the lovechild of MC Hammer and an Oscar), but mostly I’ve just been smiling ever since. Are you ready for the top 6 in this shiny, happy, Colton-free new world, Beth?

When I first saw J-Lo, I thought C-3PO but I am definitely getting the Oscar vibe, good call. I am totally ready for this new world. I’m excited about it, I’m not going to lie, I was shocked. But it’s about time. I’m also excited that tonight we are celebrating Queen, I love Queen. Brian and I went through a phase where Queen was all we listened to. It was awesome.

Adam: Okay, there are two different worlds going on here. Idol is going completely over the top with the stage production, and Jessica somehow managed to start off in black and white. Then there were three floating Jessica heads in the background. And then she pretty much rocked Bohemian Rhapsody. I agreed with Randy, she sounded really great. I didn’t once try to pull my ears off.

Um, I liked it but most definitely didn’t love it. I thought she did much better once she “rocked out” but yeah. MEH. The black and white screen really annoyed me.

Adam, before we go any further, I need to point out that Ryan’s hair is really tall today. That’s all.

Skylar is up and OHMYGOD THE STAGE IS ON FIRE!! Call 911! Save the violins! Oh, wait. Nope, whew. That was close. Back to Skylar, I liked the performance a lot, I thought the very last note was a scream and off key. But the rest of it was really enjoyable. Well, except for the stage fire, that was just scary.

Adam: The fire was too much. So was Skylar, but in a good way. She’s really growing on me (despite the parting screech . . . totally agree that was off).

Adam: Joshua’s stage had no fire, just a crazy little thing called lasers. Joshua is really good. Really. Good. He sounded great. He looked great. He carried himself like a pro. But . . . I haven’t the slightest desire to listen to that song again. Can’t put my finger on what’s missing. But it’s definitely missing.

I loved that this was entirely different from his usual performances. I love that he sang into a CB (a special shout-out to his truck driver friends, I’m assuming), I thought the band was really good, I just loved seeing this side of him. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Elise Testone sang “I Want It All.” Gosh, Adam. I don’t know, she sounded great, even flawless, but I just can’t figure out where she fits with music today. Does that make sense? Like, are we looking for a female Def Leppard in 2012? I don’t think so but I’m an old lady, what do I know? Anyway, she did really well, I enjoyed the performance.

Adam: I liked Elise so much, but I think the best way to find out where an artist fits into today’s music scene is to see how she answers the question, “Should I sing with a tambourine in my hand?” Elise’s answer tells me her niche will be elusive.

Adam: Phillip Phillips sang Fat-Bottomed Girls. I didn’t see this coming, I really didn’t, but somehow this song fit Phillip perfectly. I can’t explain it, it’s just like the universe brought Phillip and this song together for this moment, and it was oddly beautiful. My favorite PPP (Phillip Phillips Performance) to date.

Okay, in the beginning, he looked like he was in the crowd and someone suddenly pulled him up on stage and said “hey kid, start singing.” He was awkward? And the entire performance was flat and boring. Interesting that it was your favorite PPP.

And you know what? Every time I hear Steven Tyler speak, I think, you know, I don’t think he smokes enough.

Hollie is singing Save Me and once again, she shows up on stage and turns 65. Who is her stylist, Kathie Lee Gifford? Seriously, rewind, squint your eyes and it’s crazy Kathie singing up on stage. Anyway, this is such a good song and when I picture Freddie Mercury singing this and putting his heart and soul into this song, gah, it gives me chills but when Hollie sings it, it just feels so … sterile. I just think she’s missing soul. Boring.

Adam: Totally disagree. Hollie seemed no younger than 90. 

Adam: Jessica is singing Dance with my Father, in honor of her father, who is soon to be deployed in Singapore after tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. So I really, really wanted to love the performance. But it’s the type of song that doesn’t need a lot of runs. And Jessica sang 1200 of them.

I actually enjoyed it. I loved her dress. (love yellow) The performance was sweet and she seemed to really feel it. Which is unlike every other performance of hers that I’ve seen.

Skylar is back up with the country and the guitar and the boots and the tuuuhhhwang. I think she’s a great performer and I think she’ll do great in country music.

Adam: I’ve already forgotten what song she sang. Hmm . . . you know who I miss? Casey James. He was so dreamy.

Adam: Hold up. Joshua is singing with a calm, reserved, controlled passion. What’s this? Gasp! That’s what was missing. This song. I’m Ready for Love? Yeah, that. That was what I’ve been waiting to hear from him.

I. LOVE. JOSHUA. TONIGHT. I do. It’s like he grabbed my shoulders and said listen to me sing without doing that. GAH. Yes, Joshua, you are on it.

Elise is back on stage and this time I am just confused. Was this a poetry reading? The blues? Hard rock? Smooth jazz? A scarf twirling concert? I … did not like it, at all.

Adam: I think Randy was right: Elise was trying to outsing the guitar in a guitar song.

Adam: I’m just going to say this about Points of Phillipsis: he needs to let his voice be bright sometimes. Not every note can be dark, not even when he’s singing a Dave Matthews song. Resolve that melody, dude. If you’re gonna pick your nose through the entire song, you gotta pull out a booger at some point.

Okay, Adam, that was really gross. But, yeah, Phillip, I’m not really sure what to think. It was definitely different, the dancing people next to him? I am just confused. Plain and simple. But mostly I’m glad there were no boogers.

Hollie Cavanaugh is wrapping up the night (thank goodness) with a good ol’ Miley Cyrus song. So, Hollie went from Kathie Lee Gifford to a waitress at a strip club. (I know what you’re thinking: Beth, you wear a cardigan every day, STOP WITH THE FASHION TALK.)  A standing ovation? Really? That’s it. I want Simon back. This show is seriously lacking in meanness and I miss it, dammit. Oh and the song? MEH.

Adam: True story: as Hollie sang, I was thinking about what to say and . . . I fell asleep. I woke up and the judges were standing. I’m so confused.

Who’s going home?

Beth: Hollie

Adam: Hollie

You guys, we LOOOOVED all of your feedback last week! It was so nice to hear your thoughts and feedback! Keep it coming!

So, Adam. Let’s just get this out of the way. I am waaaay tired. I’m really full from eating pizza tonight but I’m eating nachos right now to try to stay awake. This show better be REALLY good.

Ryan started out by saying that the one guy with the low voice was kicked off of the show which is a little sad because I liked his voice. Whatever his name is. Was. Whatever, I don’t care.

Adam: I join you in the not caring. I may have cared earlier in the day when you broke the news to me, but Tangerine J Lo and Pimp Steven Tyler have renewed my apathy for such things. I’m ready to be wowed. I need to be wowed. Whoa’d even.

So, Phil Phillerson Philly Phillipson Phillips is up after after having some kidney stones removed. He’s singing Hard to Handle which sounds good and he is less Dave Matthews-like tonight, which I definitely appreciate. He sounded good.

Adam: I’m in full agreement with one thing Steven said: “Watch your melody.” I like the quality of his voice, but Phil is pretty boring melodically. And his faces creep me out. I also don’t like the fact that he was born the year the Black Crowes recorded this song. No, not one bit.

Next up: Jessica Sanchez singing “Turn the Beat A. . . yawn.” Why? Why, Beth? Why did she choose such a lame song? Why is she dressed up like Michael Jackson’s sequined glove? Why did Randy steal an outfit from my 4th grade teacher? So much confusion for me.

I remember last week when the judges loved her and gave her a standing ovation and we were like “huh? It sucked.” That was funny. Anyway, enough with the memories. I just can’t believe she’s sixteen. And I can’t believe how much I hate this song but at least it’s 750 times better than Gloria’s version of the song. Which is not saying much.

Heejun is hitting it hard with a Richard Marx song, Right Here Waiting. I’m stunned, no, SHOCKED that he chose this song. This was not my favorite performance of his at all. In fact, if next week he walked on stage and sang If You’re Happy and You Know It in a kermit the frog voice, that would be better. GAH. Hated it.

Also, hated Richard’s hair.

Adam: I don’t know how Heejun managed to take the sappiest song from my high school days and make it even sappier. Congrats, Heejun. Somewhere in the ’90s, a room full of teenage girls is leaning on your piano in tears. Everyone else in time and space, however, just barfed.

Elise just took on Al Green. It’s always a good idea to sing songs telling America to keep you around. Let’s Stay Together: good. I’m Going Home: bad. Good choice, Elise. But as much as I like her voice, I didn’t like what she did to the song. More nuance, less vocal chord ripping, if you please.

So, Elise sang a pretty song tonight. Ho-hum. The end.

DeAndre Hair is up singing Endless Love. Oh, how this song makes me want to go to a wedding. Wait a minute. HOLD THE PHONE. I just realized he looks just like Fergie. Whoa. And that observation was a million times more interesting than that song.

It’s uncanny.

Adam: A) You know how I feel about Mariah, but: Luther and Mariah’s version of Endless Love sucked ass. Let’s just get that out of the way right now. B) DeMo needs to sing easy songs. Not songs without risks, but Easy Like Sunday Morning Lionel Ritchie songs.C)  I didn’t know if he was being more Luther or Mariah, but I think I fell in love with DeAndre a little bit tonight . . . so I guess I have my answer.

Adam:Wait . . . Jimmy has a phone that plays songs? How is this possible? MAGIC! Okay, I’ll take Mariah collaborations for $600, Alex. Goodness, Shannon is singing One Sweet Day in an inside-out rhinestone jacket and the shorts Mariah wore in Glitter. The song was no better than that movie. Holy crap that was sucktastic.

I have got to get my hands on one of those new-fangled phones with the music playing, OMG. Hated this rendition. Hated her shorts. And her blazer. Why is everyone wearing sequins? I feel like I should have worn something other than my pajamas and queso-stained shirt tonight.

Colton “the skunk” is up next. I can’t believe he went out to dinner with my boyfriend Chris Daughtry. He’s performing a song by White Lion. Oh gosh, I just don’t know. There were some aspects of that song that were good but mostly I can’t stop thinking about how Tangerine J-Lo is wearing a shamwow and I can’t wait to hear about how much you hate him. That’s my favorite.

Adam: The thing I loved about this performance is how you could tell the song was coming deep from that smoldering vacuous pit where his soul would have been if he hadn’t traded it for hair product and misplaced arrogance. But yeah, I’ll never think about that as a White Lion song again. It’s just a hilarious little tune sung by one of Satan’s acid-washed pubes.

Adam: Deep breath. Okay. Erica sang Heaven. I love her for being born before I turned 20. However, have you ever eaten pancakes and accidentally put twice as much maple syrup as you intended on them? Yeah, give them to Erica. That’s her style. It’s too much, Erica! Too much.

I’m feeling a little bad that I’m so negative tonight. I guess I’m just waiting for someone to knock my socks off and it just hasn’t happened, yet. I’m starting to wonder if it’s going to happen at all this year. Erica was good but I’m pretty sure I can sing that better. I’m going to go wake the kids have them take a listen.

So, we said good-bye to Jermaine. I hate that they made their confrontation public. Idol will certainly do anything for ratings. Ugh. I’m angry. Not because he’s gone but because they had to televise their confrontation.

Adam: Yeah. That was awkward. I didn’t need to see that. Meh.

Adam: It’s a tough transition to go from sad confrontation and exploitation to the eternally smiling Skylar, so I’ll just do it. Skylar can sing. She could stand to dial back the occasional shouting and dial up . . . the coolness? I keep waiting for Simon to explode out of the audience and call her old fashioned. Because she’s kind of old fashioned. Like shoulder pads and poofy bangs.

Yes, shoulder pads! You nailed that observation. Skylar has such a good voice. When she sings country, I’m reminded why I don’t love country music but I can’t hide from the fact that she has a great voice.

So, at this point in the show, I’m convinced that this show will never end. Especially with the crawfish demonstration. C’mon Idol, I’ve got a massaging bed waiting for me, dammit!

Joshua Ledet is up and singing When a Man Loves a Woman and let me tell you something. If you had asked me when this song was written, I definitely would have said “1972″ not in the nineties. I hate being old. Anyway, super soulful and probably my favorite performance tonight.

Adam: I’ll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I’m a Joshua Ledet fan. For my money, it doesn’t get any better than when he sings, “When a Man Loves a Woman.” Office Space references aside, my favorite part was his admission that he just wanted to go backstage and eat. That’s what it’s all about.

Hollie sang The Power of Love. This Celine Dion song was bigger than Hollie. You know what else is bigger than Hollie? A small Blizzard.

Oh, Adam. You crack me up. This is a big song but I was mildly impressed until that last note. WHOA. That was rough.

So, who’s going home?

Beth (WHO WAS RIGHT LAST WEEK THANKYOUVERYMUCH): Shannon

Adam: Shannon Migraine