uuuugh. So much heavy stuff on this blog lately, right? I’m hoping to change that at some point, when I have time, but for now, mayhaps you’d like to visit my business blog where I posted cute photos of my own sweet babies. It includes a little lesson on photographing your own sweet babies. K?
Here’s a peek.
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement through comments or emails or Facebook messages. I appreciate the time you all took to share your heart with me. (although, the incessant, ignorant and, of course, anonymous commenter I could have done without, but that’s okay, that’s why I moderate my comments now.)
I know that news like that can shake you up. It still shakes me to my core, I’m still shocked by all that is happening, even though I’ve been living it minute by minute since last year. But it’s okay. I’m okay. We are all okay. I promise you.
I’m still the same person.
I still can’t wait to see my kids’ faces in the morning.
I still can’t wait to check on them before I head to bed.
I still love graham crackers.
I still love to photograph everything I possibly can.
I’m still grateful for every breath I take.
I’m still grieving the loss of our precious boys. (five years next week. That’s difficult for me to handle right now.)
I still eat as if it were my job. (quickly and with great focus.)
I still eat ice cream every night. (I did give that up for awhile but I needed it back.) (so it’s back) (forever)
I’m still grateful for every person that hires me to photograph their family.
(always will be.)
I still laugh and joke. (how could I not?)
I still love Steel Magnolias and Brad Pitt.
And coffee.
I’m still grateful for all of you who check in and leave comments and share how you’ve been reading for awhile. (that’s one of my favorite things. This is truth.)
I still plan to be here. Writing. Sharing. Like always.
So today is my birthday, I am now 36.
I’ve had a fairly relaxing day. The babysitter came. I worked a bit and then I went shopping. For me. By myself. I bought some skinny jeans, I tried to buy boots. I bought a pair of socks. A big cable knit sweater. Some tanks tops. and probably a scarf. or two.
Every year my kids’ birthdays I do a birthday interview. I wanted to interview myself but it got awkward during the first question so I had the bright idea to enlist the help of Anna and Noah. When I said “aaaand go!” they looked at me like anything they said would be wrong. It took a few moments to get them warmed up but they did just fine.
(Anna) Mom, do you like One Direction? ummmm….yes. but not nearly as much as you do. Not even close.
(Noah) What do you want to do when you’re 36? Good question, Noah! hmmm…I don’t know. This year is going to be interesting to say the least, so I guess I want to make sure I keep my cool throughout. I’m also interested in seeing my business grow.
(Anna) Why do you like photography? Oh, I love capturing pretty things and pretty people and beautiful moments.
(Noah) What’s your favorite color? I am absolutely unable to answer that question at this time. Yellow? Gray? Mint green? Navy? Coral? TOO HARD.
(Anna) What’s your favorite kind of coffee? oh, baby, good question. Starbucks Pikes. mmmm…. speaking of which, you should probably buy me some Pikes k-cups for my birthday, k?
(Noah) What’s your favorite hobby? Can a hobby be what you do for a job? If so, photography. If not, um…eating.
(Noah) What’s your favorite season? Summer.
(Anna) What’s your favorite state? (only Anna would ask that) North Carolina. Someday I WILL move there.
(Noah) What do you like about your kids? I love how soft and sweet they are. I love the way Eli and Clara’s breath smells when they wake up. (sorry big kids, you’re not part of that goodness.) I love the way Clara copies everybody and everything and I love the way she loves to wear only her diaper. I love the way Eli says he wants to “be like Clara” which means he wants to take his clothes off. I love how he sings and plays. I love the way Noah takes time out every night to play with Eli, even if it’s on electronics, he involves him. I love the way Anna loves to be hugged by the babies. I love the way she’ll wake up grouchy and tell me she just wants to snuggle with me in bed.
(Anna) What’s your favorite food? Pizza. And beer. What? That’s a food.
(Noah) What’s your favorite veggie? Now don’t tell you or the other kids but I do not like vegetables. If I had to choose though, I’d say green beans.
Thanks for reading friends.
Two of you cute people asked how we came up with the names for our children.
It’s a fine time to answer that.
Anna Helen
I always knew my first daughter’s middle name would be Helen. It’s my middle name and my grandma’s first name. My grandma was one of those people that you want to be like when you grow up. She just did everything and knew everything. (or so it seemed.) Her home always smelled like home cooking, I always loved that. And I always miss it.
Anyway. When I was about six months pregnant Brian and I were out to dinner. I recall having a strawberry daiquiri (virgin, people) from Redamak’s. mmmmm….soooooo good. Anna just popped in my head. I said “Anna Helen.” And Brian didn’t grimace at me, which was a very positive response. I then realized that my grandma’s full name was Helen Anna Pauline and I almost died right at that very moment from OHMYTHISISSOPERFECT-itis.
It’s a real condition.
It was a done deal at that moment.
Noah Daniel
We just loved the name Noah. Daniel is my brother’s name. I had hoped and prayed that we may have another boy someday and we could name Noah’s brother using my other brother’s name as his middle name.
When we were pregnant with the twins, I knew twin A was Jake David. Such a perfect name and named after my other brother (Dan and Dave are also identical twins). I always loved the name James but hadn’t really thought to share it as a possibility. I love that James could be president or James could be the guy with the guitar on stage at open mic night. It just fits…everything.
I can remember writing the names James Thomas on a piece of paper at the hospital before delivering them and handing to Brian as way to communicate twin B’s name. I couldn’t say it out loud. My emotions wouldn’t allow it. He looked at it and said “I love it.” That’s how our James and Jake were named. Thomas is Brian’s middle name and his Dad’s first name. How I would have loved to have yelled those names out in a fit of frustration or yelled them out as they ran across a field but instead they’re said, mostly silently, in our prayers or in our dreams. That’s perfect, too.
Elijah Harrison
I really wanted Eli’s name to be Harrison. My dad’s name is Harry. I loved the idea of calling my little boy Harry. I pushed and pushed but Brian really never budged except to make it Elijah’s middle name. Which was smart because Eli is so very Eli.
With Eli and Clara we didn’t just need agreement between Mom and Dad, we had older, opinionated kids involved. I recall, maybe at 8 months pregnant, finally coming up with his name. We were at lunch, the four of us. I read it out loud from a baby book, Elijah. Brian said he really liked it. We looked at the kids and they said “yes! We love it!” I remember getting emotional “his name is Elijah?” Brian nodded.
The funny thing about Eli now is that if you ask him his name or if he calls himself something, he always says “I Elijah.” Even though we always call him Eli. I say to him “I’m your Mama” and he says “I your Elijah,” so very sweetly. That’s my favorite.
Clara Catherine
Goodness, she’s so sweet. A few weeks before our ultrasound I was laying in bed when the name popped into my head “CLARA.” I thought, oooh, so pretty and also “and it ends with the “ah” sound that we accidentally used for all of the others. (that was totally not on purpose.) I became very excited, very quickly, I’m pretty sure I woke Brian and said “okay, it has to be a girl because I have THE MOST PERFECT BABY GIRL NAME EVERRRRRR.” He opened his eyes and I said “Clara.” He loved it.
I remember telling my mom that I had thought of the most perfect baby girl name and she said “yep, you have to have a girl.”
Catherine is Brian’s grandma’s name. She’s 99 and one of the most amazing and beautiful creatures to ever walk this earth. Both she and Clara have October birthdays. It’s a very special bond they have. Anna also calls Clara C.C.
There you go, an explanation into the names of our sweet little babies. It was fun reliving such beautiful, sweet memories. Thanks for listening, friends.
photos by Michelle Hamstra Photography
Well. Here’s it is. My oldest baby turns ten today. I don’t feel sorrow when it comes to my kids’ birthdays, I mean, I certainly miss those days of sitting on my lap for comfort and sweet baby feet and never, ever being embarrassed of their Mom. But I love watching their personalities emerge. I adore watching these sweet little people turn into big sweet people and I love getting to know them. Every day it feels like something new. Each year, on their birthdays, it just feels like we are doing exactly what birthdays are for, celebrating their amazing lives, the gifts that they are. The love we share. GAH. It’s so beautiful.
As usual, we conducted our birthday interview last night. I hope you enjoy it.
Hi baby girl. Hello.
How are you? Good
What’s tomorrow? My birthday
How old will you be turning? Ten
Are you excited? Yes.
How excited? Very very very excited.
Have you celebrated your birthday a little bit already? Yes, we had a family birthday party. I got an iPod and I started gymnastics.
Are you excited about both of these things? Yes, I started gymnastics last night. You enjoyed it? Yes.
Do you like being a big sister? Sorta.
What don’t you like about it? I have to share a room with Noah. I have to be more responsible. Unlike Clara.
What do you like about being a big sister? I get to boss people around.
What do you like most about Noah, between you and me? Nothing. (insert Mom glare) He’s funny.
What do you like most about Eli? He doesn’t scream a lot like Clara does.
What do you like most about Clara? She’s cute.
What’s your favorite season? Summer Why? because it’s a break from school.
What’s your favorite thing about school? Going home. And seeing friends.
What’s your favorite fruit to eat? oooh apples. How many do you have a day? three. at least
What’s your favorite vegetable? Green beans. But really corn on the cob.
Sometimes you become obsessed with things, can you name three things you are obsessed with these days? One Direction, weather and states and capitals.
What’s the capital of Maine? Augusta.
And Maryland? Annapolis
And what about South Carolina? Columbia.
What’s your favorite state? MASSACHUSETTS.
Why? Because it’s awesome.
Have you been there? No.
What do you love most about your Mommy? She’s awesome because she got me an iPod, she got me into gymnastics, she makes dinner every night and tells Noah to stop being rough with Eli and Clara.
What’s your favorite color? Green
Do you like shoes? YES.
What are your plans for your birthday? My two friends are staying over night.
Final question. What do you want to be when you get older? A waiter, a singer, a babysitter or a cashier.
Read interviews from previous years:
