Clara has been here for nearly one month and I can tell you that our lives have been turned upside-down.
In a good way, of course. (mostly, of course.)

I’m not sure how it happens, but we always forget how busy the newborn phase is. The nonstop nursing, the desire to always hold the baby, the endless diapers, the piles of laundry containing 700 little pieces of clothing … there’s just not much time for anything else.

And then you factor in a demanding 19 month old. One who likes to be involved in everything single thing you do, from nursing to changing diapers to doing the laundry. (and undoing the folded laundry you just so neatly folded into beautiful little pink piles.)

And when he’s not involved in you and the baby, he’s involved in climbing on the kitchen table, playing in the toilet, typing on Dad’s computer, drawing on the walls with marker …

And then this toddler gets sick and won’t eat or drink and just cries. And cries. He sometimes doesn’t cry because he then just screams. And screeches.

In the midst of all this, Mommy gets mastitis. The worst ever with two days of high fevers, her entire breast is bright pink and it takes days to get better.

And this same Mommy? She took a two week maternity leave from work. So between all of this? She’s working. (or trying to, at least.)

And then there are two older kids. These two are pretty low maintenance, they get their own water and there are no diapers to change, they have homework and are always wanting to turn Blue’s Clues off which is the very thing that is saving their Mom’s sanity because it makes the toddler stop SCREEEECHING.

And then sometimes, right before bed, or early on a weekend, we all sit, peacefully, on the couch, just being a family.

Every morning, I wake up (reluctantly, of course) and I plan a few things that I’d like to complete for the day. On the list is always “write a post” and that’s the one thing that always gets tossed out because, well, obviously the hungry, hungry baby and the very climby toddler and our world of everything else becomes way more important. And well, it is.

I often find myself wondering how these other moms do it. How they can seem to have it all together with their clean clothes and flat bellies and clean children, their tidied homes, their shaved legs (I’m assuming) and they continue to post on their blogs as if they have a team of people helping them get through each day.

And here I sit, struggling to, not do it all, but to do maybe half of it all and I just can’t.

And all of this while Brian has been home this entire time and goes back to work TOMORROW.

(LORD HELP ME.)

So, honestly, these days, I’m doing what I can, I’m remembering how difficult these days are but also how fleeting they are. Soon, Clara will be the one on the table and tossing the laundry while Eli is away at preschool and the big kids are bigger and drifting further away no matter how hard I try to grasp at them to stay closer to their Mama.

So, I’m here. Living. Waiting. Hoping, Praying.

Surviving. All while being surrounded by these people.

These beautiful, important people.