 |
14 days |
March 15, 2010 | Filed Under Family, Pregnancy | 34 Comments |
Not that I’m counting down or anything but 14 days until the baby is born. On one hand, I am pretty panicked about the whole life changing thing that is about to occur. There is so much to do and so much to clean and so much to prepare for, I’m slightly overwhelmed. This weekend I definitely nested. I cleaned and scrubbed, dusted and mopped, washed every rug in the house (rather, Brian washed every rug in the house, he’s the laundry man right now) and we’ve almost completed the baby’s room.
But with every inch I scrubbed, I found another that needed it, every cabinet I reorganized there are seven more that are in complete disarray…you get the picture.
So, my nesting instinct? Was stressful. And painful. But I’m still glad it came because this house needed it…BADLY.
I’m not sure how much more uncomfortable I can get, hopefully this is the extent of it. I feel things on my pelvis bones that I have never felt before. This child is nestled in exactly where he needs to be.
I can finally grasp how big he really is, just by his movements, I always joke that he just took his first step, while in utero, his movements are so severe and dramatic. So unbelievably beautiful.
I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting this weekend, (while cleaning, of course) and I can’t believe this journey is almost over for us.
Except then I realized, this journey is truly just beginning … there is so much more ahead for our little family and for this beautiful boy and potentially more children in the future … it’s exciting and mind blowing and I can’t wait for tomorrow to come but I’m also SO happy with the current moment I’m living in.
Feet in the ribs in all, it’s all so good. Everything happens so fast. We just want to take it all in, as calmly and as purposefully as possible.
It seems like just yesterday that the baby in my belly, who is now compared to a watermelon, was once the size of a pea and we had no idea where this road take us …
MIRACULOUS.
|
Daydreams |
March 1, 2010 | Filed Under Family, Friendly, Pregnancy | 58 Comments |
It was like one of those mornings that you read about in a book or a magazine, depicting a perfect scene at home, on a weekend morning.
One boy off playing, my husband just made us breakfast of french toast sticks with sprinkled powdered sugar, my daughter ate at the table, I ate on the couch, sitting with coffee and orange juice.
I wonder, now, what my daughter was thinking about while eating her breakfast because soon after she finished she retrieved many toys from upstairs and the basement and gathered them into the kitchen. I picture her daydream being one of big plans and many shapes and colors.
She played for so long – it was interesting to me the detail and care she put into her play. She would often break out into a Taylor Swift song, almost as if she forget her parents were nearby.
She just played.
Finally, after almost an hour, I sat on the kitchen floor with my camera. This is no small feat as my belly is now the size of a small pickup truck. As soon as I sat, I wondered how I would get up.
She noticed me across the way and began explaining her city to me. The garbage trucks and the homes and the apartments. It was interesting to me; she reminded me what it was like to be little and young and that play is so good and so vital.
I soon had Brian help me up because I actually felt like working in the house. I wanted to clean and set up the baby’s room. It felt right and it felt so good to be doing things.
So, I let her play.
And I began my own kind of play. Going through baby clothes and new purchases and picturing what this boy (it’s so hard for me not to use his name) will look like in these little tiny monkey shoes, how he will smell, what his skin will feel like against mine.
I spent a lot of time daydreaming.
Probably a lot like my daughter, as she ate breakfast.
|
Good grief |
February 19, 2010 | Filed Under Family, JJF | 67 Comments |
The title of this post is so fitting for my life right now. I did not intend to be all double meaning, it just happened. I opened up the photo in photoshop and thought “GOOD GRIEF, I am large.” And then I saw things on my dresser, sacred, beautiful James and Jake things that I won’t even tell you about (that’s how sacred) that are right there. On my dresser. GRIEF.
And right above, my belly, growing this delicious baby inside of me who I know is speaking to his big brothers up there (as Anna and Noah refer to heaven now). GOOD.
February 26th, the day I delivered James and Jake, the day that marks the moment I held them in my arms when I should have been holding them in my belly…the day and the days and months after..they hold GRIEF.
But that day, February 26th, marks the day we were able to hold those precious angels in our arms, we remarked on their sameness, their uniqueness, how much they looked like Noah. We held the babies that changed our lives, our love, our outlook, OUR EVERYTHING. GOOD.
We’ve traveled this road of GRIEF for nearly two years now – it’s been a road with dips and curves and SPEED BUMPS that felt like they would kill us. It’s been a road of greener trees and flowers with overwhelming fragrance, the kind of fragrance that stops you in your tracks, just to take in the sweetness that you never took the time to notice before. But now you stop and you wipe the tears that flow endlessly down your face, you sniff and you smile and feel the sun on your hair. This road, abundant in birds and butterflies, sunshine and the sweet laughter of a child, this road that I would not have chosen, not in a million years, yet this road is the most beautiful road I have ever seen in my life.
GOOD GRIEF.
Yes, in the same sentence, yes, together.
|
Sweetness |
February 13, 2010 | Filed Under Family, Friendly | 38 Comments |
One of the perks of visiting my sister isn’t just the donuts, the chocolate, the biscuits and gravy. Oh no, it’s visiting with Trey, who is already 7 weeks old. He and I are very, very good friends.
And then, we went to Target. And while his Mom tried on jeans, he and I walked around and took photos.
and people looked at us funny, but that’s okay.
