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The truth is.

Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

By Beth

I’m really grouchy and emotional. I’m short tempered, too. I have felt insanely lonely over these past few weeks. This is not a complaint, it’s just my state of being. I can accept how I’m feeling because I know it’s just a season but I’m afraid it won’t end until after the baby is born. Actually, I’m afraid it won’t end until LONG after the baby is born.

I guess it’s okay.

Despite being emotional and lonely, I still have really great moments in my life and am surrounded by many things that I love.

Like my belly. I’ll be 29 weeks tomorrow. Today, we scheduled her birthday. I begin weekly NSTs tomorrow. In August, we give her a bedroom.

nearly-29-week-shadow

I think it’s funny that my belly looks like a dunce cap in this photo. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the corner of the house. But I suppose it really does look like this.

I love my zinnias in the front of my home. They’ve exploded into giant yellow and green balls. Anna and I planted them in late May, early June. They were so tiny. I actually wanted to plant five but they only had enough for three. The purple flower in front was a surprise return from last year. I thought I had pulled them out but they eased their way back into our garden. I love how they accent the zinnia and the sidewalk.

zinnia

Today, I needed to disconnect, so I packed up lunches and the kids and we went to the park. Such a perfect day for it.

Towards the end, when I was getting really tired, I asked the kids to sit on the bench. I finally got Eli to sit perfectly for me and saw that Anna was making ridiculous faces at the camera.

Lest you think I am always calm. I placed my lens cap on my camera, picked Eli up, put him in the stroller and said “let’s go.”

And we did. I’m still so frustrated that my oldest child ruined such a great photo but I look at it and I have to admit, I do love all of their faces in this photo. But still. ANGRY MAMA.

park-kids

I’ve been making headbands.

headband2

Because of my newborn sessions, I spend a lot of money on Etsy, particularly on headbands, sometimes I’d spend $50 a month on headbands alone. OUCH.

I decided to try making them on my own and guess what? I spent about $60 on supplies and have made about 15 headbands so far with plenty of supplies left over.

I made these two for my neighbor’s newborn. (who happens to have a head FULL of shiny black hair.)

headbands1

I’m no expert and that’s totally okay with me. It’s a great creative outlet. I’ll be editing photos and stand up, walk into the kitchen and just make a headband. Literally takes minutes. Sometimes I make them while Eli plays with bowls and spoons while, literally, sitting on my feet. It’s enjoyable.

Speaking of Eli:

VIP

He’s very busy these days, as you can see.

He’s grown up so quickly and cries so hard when Mommy or Daddy leave the house. His kisses are adorable and he loves carrots more than any other food in the world. He is such a sweetheart.

I guess that’s all I have for you. I did post images from a recent newborn session here, feel free to check it out.

And don’t worry about the first paragraph, I really am okay, I’ve just been uninspired to post here and I wanted to let you know exactly why.

Categories: Baby Fletcher 2011, Being a Mama, Family, stupid crap

15 months

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

By Beth

I don’t mean to get all sentimental on you, but seriously?

How. Is. This. Possible?

Eli-plays-ball

This morning, Anna, Noah and I took Eli to his 15 month appointment and they were all like “climbing! running! eating! independence!” And I was like but “he’s so tiny and my baby, leave us alone.”

Except they’re not lying. Even just these past few weeks he’s grown so much. He really is climbing and exploring and not wanting help from anyone. He wants to jump in the baby pool, unassisted, and share popsicles with his siblings and throw balls and push toys rather than be pushed in them.

He even started drinking beers with his little cousin. (although, we’ll need to refine his choice in beer, it’s a work in progress.)

Eli-and-Dane

He looks at you with wonder and throws his arms straight up in the air when he wants you to pick him up. He loves his Mama and his Daddy and he adores his big siblings, too. When you ask him where “the baby” is? He lifts my shirt and sticks his finger in my belly button which I find completely disturbing so when I do ask him, I hold my shirt down as best I can.

His eyes are spectacular and his skin is so soft and his thighs are so wonderfully chunky.

He loves adventure and shows no fear which I love and also fear.

Eli 0133

I think we’re in trouble because when Brian and I are together with Eli, we just let him do whatever he wants and we think whatever he does is just incredibly cute. No matter what it is. On Sunday, he opened the dryer and took some clothes out and placed them in the washer, shut the washer door and began pressing buttons. “LOOK, BRIAN! He’s doing laundry!” And we laughed and our eyes sparkled at his cuteness and then reality hit us and we were like “we mean, no, no, Eli.”

We are wrapped around his tiny little fingers.

Today, when the three of us and my giant belly were walking out of the doctor’s building, the older volunteer woman said “you remind me of me when I was younger. I had four children and I was so happy.” I love that my happiness shined through. I replied, truthfully, that I could absolutely not wait to be a Mom of four.

“Enjoy them, as you’re doing. Mine are all gone now.”

In just three months, his little sister will join us and then all of a sudden I’ll be writing about her climbing and eating and her growing up before our eyes and it will still feel as wonderful and amazing as it does today because that is the wonder and beauty of being a parent.

The hardest, best job in the entire world.

Categories: Being a Mama, Family

Tuesday

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

By Beth

I just ate toast with strawberry jam. I’m drinking orange juice, not so much because it sounded good but because I would like to feel baby girl kick a bit more. She’s an unpredictable little babe, sometimes she kicks and punches like crazy, one time, I could feel her head, her punches and her kicks all at the same time and then other times, she’s so very quiet. I know much of the quiet has to do with how little I’ve been sitting or resting, which I’m hoping to change soon. These past 8 days have been busier than I could have imagined, which is good because once the kids are in bed and I’m finally sitting with a bowl of ice cream on my belly, sadness kicks in. I just start to feel nothing, maybe.

I don’t know.

So much has happened over the past 8 days, beginning with Sam’s passing. Two other people who impacted our family passed away, as well. I’ve been working non-stop, Eli has been so sick or cutting teeth or something that’s causing him to only cry – not eat or sleep, just cry.

I dare not complain.

In fact, I lay in bed at night and think about the sweetness that occurred in my day. The people I was able to meet and hug last week, my children, who knew Samantha, being extra sensitive and so very sweet to their Mama and my husband doing everything he can to help me and the family and even Samantha’s family. Anna hasn’t really left my side since last week. Even when I nap, she “naps,” too by sitting on my bed and reading a book or coloring. I fall asleep to the sound of her crayons hitting the bottom of the container and the sound of choosing another color. The type of sound that can lead you directly to your childhood.

I think I’m just living in fear right now. As if last week God reminded me to not get too comfortable. A big booming voice in my head that said “I’ve taken away before…” And then I remember where we’ve gone these past few years, how far we’ve come and how quickly it can disappear again. Emotionally, I’m holding on tighter but emotionally I am so scared of the unimaginable happening.

I’m okay, I promise you. And my orange juice is working, so now I’m feeling even a little bit better.

There’s a lot of darkness but also a lot of light. I’m doing what I can do focus on the light.

Categories: Being a Mama, Family, Friendly

Big + little

Monday, June 13th, 2011

By Beth

I’m so sorry to be missing from this space for so long. We left town on Friday morning, I was hoping to put up a Friday Morning Coffee post but was so consumed with wrapping up things for work that I just couldn’t swing it.

Apparently, I really can’t do everything. Who knew?

So, before we head back home, how ’bout some photos from this weekend?

Here are the four older cousins!

cousins1

Anna and I – my belly at 22 weeks.

Mom-and-Anna

And all of the kids. Can you believe they belong to us?!

EEATNM

And then we had a fun little naked bootie session. Can you believe how gigantic Eli and Trey are?

Eli-and-Trey-WM-

Eli's-hat

More to come.

Stop looking at Eli’s bootie.

Categories: Beth Fletcher Photography, Family, photography

Friday Morning Coffee

Friday, March 18th, 2011

By Beth

I’m sitting on the couch, my laptop on my lap. Eli is playing on the floor in front of me. About every four minutes he crawls up to the couch, stands up and tries to close my laptop. (here he comes, by the way.) I tell him “no” he sits down and tries it again. And again. And again. Finally, I give in and he closes it. I sit, with it shut on my lap, he sits down in front of me, satisfied with his baby powers.

After two minutes, I go to open up my laptop again and he turns his head. Knowing what is going to happen, I just close it on my own. This happens for so long that I finally give up and go take a shower.

So, now I’m showered and dressed, my hair is in rollers and I just gave Eli a bottle. Those words “I just gave Eli a bottle” are so foreign to me because I haven’t really had to do that with him. But since Tuesday, he won’t nurse anytime between 7am and 3pm. This is truth. I still try and try but he’s not interested. So, I’m giving him bottles and he takes them and is much happier after having one. In fact, right now? He is playing and leaving my laptop alone.

He’s teething, I’m pretty sure this is why the change, so I’m hoping he’ll go back, but if not, I’m so happy with our year of nursing. It was one of the biggest struggles of my life, but my goodness, it was completely worth it.

A few weeks ago, I showed you guys this photo and mentioned how the wall color inspired me to paint my walls. Well, I haven’t painted my walls, yet, but I will, don’t worry. I’m bringing this up because many of you asked for the wall color and many of you thought it was my dining room.

Well, I don’t know the wall color and also this is not my dining room, although, I do wish it was. This room belongs to Kelly Rae Roberts (one of my favorite artists. I wrote about her a few years ago after discovering her on Etsy, my love for her remains.) If you go to her blog, be prepared to become completely inspired to live a better life, to clean your home and to try something fun and artistic. She’s powerful that way.

If I ever find out the color, I’ll share it with you, I promise, I will.

I just laid Eli down for a nap and took my rollers out and applied makeup. I look so much like Diane Chambers right now that it’s eerie and I don’t mean her face, I mean her hair. Not really the look I was hoping to achieve but who am I kidding? My hair will be up in a ponytail in no time, so who cares, right?

Finally, we are leaving for Florida on Tuesday morning. We have so much to do before we leave but we are so excited to be taking this time for our family. Even though the weather here has shifted and it feels and smells like spring and my windows! are! open!, I just can’t wait to feel that hot sun on my shoulders and the cool water of the pool chill my body. There is nothing like it.

No agenda, just us.

While in Florida, I’ll be doing a photo session with one of my readers. This excites me so much. One, because I get to meet her and two because how cool that because of this blog, I am able to travel to another state and do a photo session? There’s a lot of happy coming up which makes waking up each morning very easy.

I hope you have much happy coming up, too.

Happy Friday, friends.

Categories: Family, Friday Morning Coffee

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