I’m sitting on my bed drinking coffee as I ice my ankle.
This is how I begin each day.

I have a machine that provides cold and compressions to my ankle, this way I don’t have to deal with ice. It’s pretty nice. Typically during this time I’m responding to client emails  or any emails (or checking Etsy) but today I decided to actually check in and see you all. It’s been a long time.

My ankle is really improving. It’s been six weeks and one day since my injury. I had a follow up appointment last week and found out that I was going to be in my boot for another three weeks. That was pretty depressing but now I’m half way there. I’m still going to therapy two times per week. I’m really looking forward to wearing shoes again but also the thought scares me half to death knowing how susceptible I’ll be to re-injuring myself.

Anna and Noah are loving school. They are SO old. Here’s an actual conversation from the other night:

Anna: I feel so bad for homeless veterans.

Noah: yeah, me too. It’s so sad when people can’t eat meat.

I was driving when they had this conversation, I didn’t laugh out loud but wanted to so badly. I corrected him and he laughed. It was awesome.

Eli is so old and so funny and SO two, holy crap. He knows exactly what he wants which is typically what his older brother and sister have. He’s smart and pays attention to everything. Our new sitter started a few weeks ago and they get along really well. She takes him outside for at least two hours a day. Outside his is favorite.

Clara is almost one. I can not get a handle on this. She is starting to mimic everything. Also, I’ve been treating her like a six month old, I should probably stop. It’s like I just didn’t want to let go of that sweet, snuggly baby stage but now look! A toddler! (ALMOST, YOU GUYS.) Also, she’s so chubby. I love it.

My icing time is up. Things are starting to even out in the work department and at home. I can finally clean and do laundry. (this excites me, I promise it does.) Maybe I’ll be around more?

I hope so.

Happy weekend, friends.

I’m sitting on my bed drinking coffee doing my ankle exercises.

Last night my entire house slept. I know that seems like a “duh” statement but sleep has been missing from our nights. Clara may be teething? Eli has been sick. Clara may dislike her crib. There are a lot of mysteries surrounding our sleeplessness. I wish I could figure it out, fix it and sleep peacefully for the rest of my life.

But last night, well, last night we all hit our walls, it was like every single one of us just could not stay awake one second longer, so we just slept. Peacefully. For hours and hours.

It was heaven.

I woke up this morning and everything felt clear to me.

So now, I’m working on catching up, Brian’s been out of town and I haven’t been able to work, I have a newborn session in a few hours (with crutches and a boot) and I’m finally, finally able to see the light at the end of this very, dark tunnel.

For the first time in a long time I feel like everything is going to be okay. I just have to be strong. Be positive.

And keep doing these ankle exercises.

I have to be honest with all of you.

I’m not drinking coffee right now and it’s not Friday morning.

It’s Friday afternoon, I just had a chicken salad sandwich and I’m drinking ice water.

Clara is napping, Eli is playing with Lisa, the sitter, I just gave Noah a haircut (outside) and made him take a shower, he’s now on a computer and Anna is playing at her friends house (she just painted her toes in the coolest colors, she has an amazing sense of fashion.)

I’m supposed to be working. I’m going to, in just a second, I’m just taking a break from my work computer to sit at my play computer, which I haven’t opened since the weekend.

But we’ve played.

Just not on computers.

Brian and I took these four amazing kids to the local zoo last Friday. The best part for me was watching Anna and Noah enjoy watching Eli as he discovered the zoo. It was amazing, so much fun. They fill me with endless pride and joy.

It’s stifling hot outside. When you step outside, you actually can’t breathe, it feels like you’re walking into a hot washcloth. Ugh, it’s so gross. We’ve been trying to ignore the heat and still head outside, even just to play in our little pool, but today? Oh man. It’s just too hot. So, it’s an inside day. An inside day in July saddens me but it’s also pretty nice.

Anna and Noah start their “bible boot camp” next week, it’s two weeks long and they attend in the evening. They’re pretty excited, it’s their third year doing it. For the Catholics out there, it’s a pretty cool program, this actually takes the place of going to CCD every week through the school year. They spend two weeks studying pretty intensely but in a fun, summer atmosphere.

Noah also begins football camp next week. He is so excited.

I can’t believe my sweet, sensitive guy wants to play football. (I love it, I really do.)

I’ve been dreaming of faraway places lately. Of sand and beautiful sights and delicious food and fruity drinks and no alarm clocks while lying on white linens.

(source)

I’m pretty content where I’m currently at but sometimes dreaming of such things feels really nice, too.

I hope you guys are enjoying your summers. I hope you’re eating s’mores (with Reese’s Peanut Cups) and going out for ice cream and sitting out at night looking at the sky once you put the kids to bed. If you haven’t, you should. It’s pretty nice out there.

Happy Friday, friends.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my coffee, all four kids just had breakfast. This is a rare calm morning this summer. This year we decided to put Anna and Noah in summer school. They basically go everyday from 7-12:30, they come home and play with friends or swim in the neighbor’s pool but they have to go to bed when the sun is shining.

This is so not okay with nine year old Anna who can hear her friends playing in the distance as she lays awake in bed with her arms crossed. She’s not as excited about summer school as her brother is. Noah, being the wise old man that he is, recognizes that he’s had a full day and that his body requires rest. He dutifully brushes his teeth and grabs his Sudoku and pencil and climbs into bed.

Anyway. The babysitter isn’t here and I’m not necessarily working today so it’s me with my babies and my millions of thoughts that are weighing on me.

I hope you don’t mind as a share a few of them.

I’ve recently been driven to think about what a good friend is. What are the qualities that matter most but most importantly, what can I do to be a good friend to anyone I love. (and when I say friend, I mean friend to anyone, a sibling, a parent, my neighbor, my spouse … and to my actual friends, old and new.)

When I was nineteen, during the years when gossiping is what we did because we didn’t know better, I can remember sharing my best friend’s secret with another person. There was no purpose to telling except that I could not wait to see the look on their face when I shared all of the juicy details. I’m just being honest. My best friend found out and we haven’t spoken since. I’ve never forgiven myself.

Once the reality of that lost friendship hit me, I realized I told her secret for me, for my own personal benefit. So, I learned early on that trust was not a joke. It wasn’t a word to be tossed around. When someone confides in me, I fold it up and place it in my pocket for when they are ready to talk again. It is their secret and I am holding it for them, it is never mine.

What is mine is how I can be a good friend knowing their secret. How are they struggling? How can I help?

I need a friend who I can trust. First and foremost. I learned that lesson a long time ago. I need a friend that I can just speak and not really have to think, not have to protect each and every word, one that I can have a cup of coffee with and just spill. She won’t take my words wrong, she’ll realize that my heart and my mind are processing and that tomorrow I may come to a totally different conclusion but that she was part of that process and she was part of that process because

she took the time to listen to me.

I need a friend who will listen. Who will sit, look me in the eye and receive the information. She won’t jump in with how what I’m saying reminds her of so-and-so at the splash pad the other day and what that person said. It will just be about me, at that moment.  And in that moment or any moment after, she will not judge.

Because she loves me. And real love, as we all know, is unconditional.

And in return, when she sits me down and tells me what’s going on her life, when she shares the delicate details of what’s going on with her in her heart and her soul and with her family, I will take the time to listen, I will not judge and I will never, ever share the important, personal details of her life.

Because they are hers.

They are not mine.

And if I decide to share those details, I’ve made her life about me and that isn’t so, it’s not about me.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t be friends with people I can’t trust. It’s just that they won’t know me as well, I’ll shield some of my heart from them but they’ll never have to do that with me.

Ever. Because I will always listen, I will not judge and they can trust me. Completely.

This is what I’m focusing on today. How can I be better to the good people who matter to me. It’s making for a really great day.

Happy weekend, friends.