It’s just Eli, Clara and I. The sun is shining, it’s unseasonably warm, about 45 degrees. So far this winter, we haven’t had any significant snowfall and it’s hasn’t been very cold. I am completely okay with this. I swear, every year I despise winter more and more.

Once again, Brian and I discussed moving somewhere warmer someday. I wonder if this will ever happen. I hope it does. I think our life could use that kind of adventure (and fresh air all year long.)

*****

I wrote the first two paragraphs over six hours ago. That’s a little bit how my days are. I start a project and it’s hours before I can actually complete it, if I can complete it at all.

Clara. During some portions of the day, she smiles at the sound of my voice. She’ll be lying on the bed and I’ll watch her from a few feet away. I’ll say what I always say to her in the voice I always use “who’s this sweet girl? Who is this sweet baby girl.” And I’ll see her smile from ear to ear, even though she doesn’t see my face. Sometimes during diaper changes she can hardly contain her excitement. She’ll kick and throw her arms, her smile makes my heart melt. It’s magnificent.

But then.

(I promise you, she started crying as soon as I wrote that. heh. It’s like she wanted to add dramatic effects to this story.)

Anyway. Most of the day she just cries. Her body is stiff and her legs kick and she fusses and screams and cries for what seems like hours and hours.

But it’s getting better. It is. And even though some days are more difficult than others (today has taken the cake!), I know that soon Eli will be outside playing with the next door neighbor after school and Clara will be playing Barbies and the girl’s house in back of us. Just like Anna and Noah are at this very moment.

She’s already growing up so quickly. She’s already three months old.

I just finished a bowl of cereal. My new favorite is Cinnamon Chex. It’s crazy good.

Oh and coffee, I’ve had two cups of coffee. Did I tell you I bought a Keurig? I am so in love with it. But I’m not in love with the cost of the K-cups. But it’s worth it. Eli is playing with his cars and talking to the stockings. He likes the way they touch his head when he stands underneath them. He ate a banana and two blueberry waffles today.

He’s a big boy.

Clara just put herself to sleep. Sometimes, I’m figuring out, she just wants to be left alone. “JUST STOP TOUCHING ME, STOP PUTTING YOUR BO0B IN MY MOUTH. GAH.”

At least, that’s what I think she says.

I’m sitting on my couch, using my laptop, while alone with a toddler and a newborn. I can count the number of times I’ve been able to do that since Clara was born.

Yesterday.

And again today.

Clara and I were having a very difficult time with nursing. When she was born, she was a dream nurser. My milk came in quickly and easily, no engorgement (I think because I nursed Eli until I was five months pregnant?) She would just nurse on one side for five minutes, then five on the other and then we’d repeat. Sometimes, she’s fall asleep while nursing.

I love it when she falls asleep while nursing.

Then suddenly, a few weeks ago, things started going downhill with breastfeeding. She would begin to scream and fight. I thought it was supply. I took supplements, I would supplement her. I would switch positions at least seven times in one nursing session just to get her to latch. I’d lay down, stand up, walking around, swaddle her, undress her, switch rooms. I did everything to try to remedy our nursing situation.

I would give her a supplement of formula and sometimes she’s scream at that. And if she didn’t scream at that, she’d drink it slowly, cautiously. I dreaded nursing sessions.

I love nursing so this weighed on my heavily.

She had her two month appointment on Wednesday, I told the doctor that she would straighten her body, stiff like a board when I’d try to get her to latch but it was obvious she was ravenous. Often, when she would finally latch on, she’s struggle when letdown came and take a giant gulp and then cry so hard that it would break my heart. (and she would never latch back on after that.)

He said what I already knew. Reflux.

We gave her two doses of zantac on Wednesday and then yesterday? She nursed perfectly and peacefully 80% of the time. (which is an 80% improvement.)

And this? Me sitting, able to write, able to work, able to FINALLY have some time to myself because my sweet girl is finally comfortable, is an answered prayer.

I’m always skeptical with that diagnosis. Eli was diagnosed with it and I can’t say we saw much improvement despite two medications. But this time? Seeing her smiles and her coos and her delight while nursing? Brings me a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in a long, long time.

Maybe I won’t have to shut down my blog after all.

Happy Friday, friends!

Seriously.

When was the last time I did a Friday Morning Coffee? I miss it.

It’s funny because today is my first day home alone with all four kids. It’s Veteran’s Day, so the older kids have the day off. And honestly? They’re just good helpers. (mostly) Right now, Noah is playing matchbox cars with Eli on the kitchen floor. They’re just zooming them at each other, back and forth. No talking, just the sound of the cars rolling against the floor.

Anna is in the basement. Probably drawing or writing or playing with toys. She is so busy. She moves from project to project all day. It’s messy but completely interesting how she keeps herself busy.

Clara is on my chest. I’m holding her in my sling. She was crying and fussing and the minute I put her in it, she relaxed and so she lays, against my chest. I can feel her breath against my skin.

This morning I made pancakes. I love that I was able to deliver a special treat to the kids. (don’t you love the way kids love pancakes?!)

I don’t do a lot of blog writing these days but I do a lot of internet reading while nursing. I have found some super cool sites that inspire me to become more organized.

For example, I Heart Organizing. I love this website. She also has Etsy shop where she offers customized shopping lists, chore charts, goal sheets, calendars, etc. I ordered a meal plan/shopping list pdf. I can’t wait to put it to use. (by the way, she has no idea who I am, I wasn’t asked to share this with you, I just found it and thought some of you could benefit from it!)

I have this dream of painting my living room and kitchen walls white.  (I have fantastic white trim and a white mantle) This post inspires me to do it.

Since I started writing this post, Eli and Noah have stopped playing cars, Noah is playing Wii. I even played him in bowling and totally won. (I haven’t played in months and months, good to know I am still awesome.) Eli is acting sleepy. We are working to eliminate his morning nap. For the most part, it’s gone but he seems to still want it. He has a hard time making it to the afternoon without it.

When Noah plays Wii, Eli grabs a controller and “plays” with him. They have such a good relationship.

Anyway, I’m off to edit some photos before cleaning up and starting lunch. I hope you all have an amazing weekend. I have three sessions this weekend and tomorrow Clara is six weeks old. Can you believe it?

Happy Weekend, Friends!