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Him.

March 28th, 2010

Tomorrow (March 29th) at 6:30 in the morning, my c-section will begin. We’ll arrive at the hospital at four, I am very excited about this.

I do plan to update my blog letting you know that he has arrived (okay, probably Brian will update) but I will be waiting to share his photo and his name until after the kids are able to come and meet their little brother after school.

I appreciate so much all of your prayers and excitement and anticipation. This is so much fun for me, I hope for you, too. I am nervous, of course, but mostly I am so excited to meet this wonderful boy, I am so excited for my family to meet him, so excited for him to be apart of ALL of our lives. I just can’t believe the moment is nearly here.

The next time I see you, everything is going to be so different. We just can’t wait.

and oh look! His nursery!

nursery 3

nursery 2

nursery 4

nursery 5

nursery 7

nursery 6

nursery 9

nursery 8

nursery 1

I can’t wait to tell you about his nursery, about all of the special touches inside of it. (that canvas up there? Lovelyn painted. FOR SERIOUS). Anyway, I’ll share soon, I promise you.

Oh and your prayers and your love? Rock our worlds. THANK YOU.

Nearly there.

March 27th, 2010

Right now, my Mom and my sister, Amy, are here, cleaning up the house. They’re re-organizing and scrubbing and dusting and stopping occasionally to feel the baby move. Helping us prepare for the wild ride that lays ahead during this next week.

Earlier today, Brian, the kids and I went to Target. Brian took the kids to the cafe and they ate popcorn and drank red and blue icees while I started shopping. I bought bright things for our house, things that screamed SPRING, things that made me think of renewal. I know after the baby is born I’ll be spending a lot of time at home and I just know I’ll need these pieces of bright scattered throughout my house. They already make me so happy.

jelly beans

I honestly can not believe that this pregnancy is almost over. Last night I actually slept well, my schedule was much like a schedule that you have when you have a newborn, waking up every 2-3 hours but sleeping soundly in between, which is way more sleep that I’ve gotten in many weeks.

This morning, after waking up and having breakfast, I took a shower, I put my iPhone on my speakers in my bathroom and played the music loudly. I danced in the shower at 39 weeks pregnant. The music felt good, I felt so inspired to be 39 weeks pregnant, I reveled in the fact that I believe that pregnancy is a gift and not a death sentence, as other preggies sometimes feel. I feel so happy that each day has felt like a blessing to me.

All 265 days that I’ve been pregnant.

baby belly aug 09-mar 10

And here we are, less than two days away.

39 weeks

I have loved this pregnancy so much. I’m sad to be closing this chapter of the book, in less than 2 days, but I know with all of my heart that it was the best chapter that I could have written about this pregnancy. And that makes me so happy.

And this next chapter? Will be even better.

Friday Morning Coffee

March 26th, 2010

So, my rule is this, as long as it’s still Friday before noon, I can still call these posts Friday Morning Coffee. It’s 11:55 and I’m drinking water.

I drink a lot of water.

Anyway, today is the last day of Spring Break for the kids. Brian is at work and is scheduled for a long day. But that is only because he isn’t supposed to return to work until May 3rd. He’ll be taking two weeks vacation and working from home for two weeks and this is good, very good.

(I can’t wait to see him see the baby for the first time. I feel so lucky to be able to witness such an amazing moment.)

My body is very, very ready for this baby. I have to imagine that if I weren’t having a c-section on Monday that labor would be soon after. Yesterday they did a bio-physical profile on the baby, where they look at the fluid levels, how he’s breathing, how he’s moving, all sorts of good stuff. They couldn’t even see his face because he is down so low.

Which means … OW.

Right now, as I sit in a comfortable chair, I can honestly say I can’t remember being much more uncomfortable than this in my life. But it’s okay because I have no choice. IT’S JUST OKAY.

In a few minutes I’m going to make lunch for the kids and then we are going waddle to our favorite cupcake shop. Well, they’ll run, I’ll waddle, maybe crawl, maybe just sit at the front door begging someone to bring cupcakes to us. Either way, THEY WILL HAVE CUPCAKES.

I had plans to pick up a few spring-y things for the house, but right now the last thing on my mind is spring-ifying my house. I feel my mood suddenly shifting, it probably has to do with the pressure on my bladder and pubic bone (and back and legs), either way, I leave you with this.

birdie shirts

I can’t wait to see the three of them wearing these together. I bought these from this Etsy shop – I LOVE them.

Random Pieces

March 25th, 2010

First, have you signed up to receive one of my birth announcements? Can I tell you how much I love that YOU can receive one? {yes you.} Tiny Prints did this for my friend, Megan, over at Velveteen Mind, when I received mine I was so thrilled. It just made me happy.

So, please feel free to sign up, don’t be shy. I love the idea of giving you back some of the love you all have given me during this pregnancy and beyond.

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Also, I posted here.

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And the winner of the Geezees Canvas Art giveaway is Jess! Congrats!

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This week has been a very, very difficult week for me emotionally. I can think of maybe 10 reasons why this may be the case but I think the biggest problem I am having is my lack of sleep. I just can’t sleep. It used to be a comfort issue now it’s a mind-racing issue AND a comfort issue. ”what do I need to do before he arrives, will he be healthy, will he go to the NICU? how will the kids adjust? how will we adjust? is this really real? is he with James and Jake right now?”

I think of that last thought often. I laid in bed last night, eyes closed, surrounded by pillows, listening to Brian breathe quietly. I wondered if James and Jake have been telling this baby things about their family like “Noah is going to teach you to play video games, he’s really good, so listen to him. (and you are going to love his belly laugh!) Anna plans to read stories to you every single day. (and wait until you see her beautiful eyes!) Mom is a sucker for baby noises, so coo a lot, she can’t get enough. And Daddy? He’s a big guy with a huge heart, he loves to snuggle with his babies, that makes him happy.”

It’s a lot to take in, a lot to think about. Our lives are changing forever, in a really good way but change is hard no matter who you are and as THE MOM I’m worrying a lot.

But I can handle this. I can handle the lack of sleep, I had it before and it was in a much more difficult situation.

I can handle the crying, the emotional toll. I’ve done it before but for a different reason, one that broke my heart.

And I can handle the worry of how this is going to affect my family … I’ve worried this before and we came out good. Better.

I’ve got this.

Sleepily. Painfully. Happily.

I’ve got this.

Maybe April

March 23rd, 2010

One week after we lost James and Jake, Brian and I were sitting in my OB’s office for a post-delivery visit. We sat in the waiting room and were instantly called back to wait in an exam room so we didn’t have to be surrounded by gigantic pregnant bellies and little, tiny newborns being nursed by their Moms.

(reason 1,432 why I love my doctor. She thinks of things like that.)

It was a hard visit, I mean, HARD. I remember at that point feeling so emotionally drained and physically tired that I could not figure out how I could have a real conversation with this doctor. This doctor who delivered James and Jake so carefully.

Anyway, Brian and I knew we wanted to get pregnant again and honestly, we wanted to do it immediately, but we wanted to be smart. We wanted to be emotionally ready. We wanted to give time to us and Anna and Noah for grieving. And we wanted to give this time to James and Jake.

We picked up one of those wheels, the kind that tell you when you’re ovulating and menstruating and then when you’re baby will be due. It’s actually quite freakish the amount of information that exists on one of those things.

We decided, that if we were ready, that we would try to get pregnant, that year in July. ”An April baby would be perfect.”

Come that July … we just were not ready. And after another pregnancy loss in February 2009, we decided to get advice medically on what we should do. And that led us to July of 2009. We had an appointment with our specialist in Chicago, we were scheduled for an appointment with her after she had thoroughly reviewed our health history, pregnancy history, families, blood draws, tissues samples … anything and everything that could shed some light on our reproductive past, present and future.

We entered the appointment, so nervously, not knowing what to expect.

She sat us down and said “you should try again…and make it quick, you ovulate next week.”

And so we did. And even though it was a different year, we were right, an April baby is going to be perfect. (or March 29th. Whatever.)

38 weeks

(photo by Love.)