I hired a nanny last week. She’s here three days a week.

Clara turns four months old today. I have no idea where the time has gone but I’m appreciating her new growth-i-ness. She’s much happier these days.

My first workshop is this weekend. While planning this workshop and all of it’s beautiful details, I realize how amazing this workshop is going to be. (and I’m not just saying that. It’s going to be awesome.)

I am honestly bummed that all of the spots have not been filled.

After this workshop, I’m looking forward to moving to a normal schedule with work while having a nanny here.

Anna is singing in a talent show this Friday.

I bought Noah a new pair of pajamas yesterday and showed them to him and he said “about time.” (he feels he really needs pajamas)

Eli burned himself on the stove on Monday. His little finger has a blister. Makes me so sad.

I actually showered today.

Brian has a cold. I’m trying not to catch it. No kissy-kissy for us.

Clara loves having her diaper changed. It’s actually something everyone should experience. As soon as you lie her down, her faces breaks into complete happiness.

I often wonder why so few people comment on blogs anymore. Thoughts?

I miss you all.

Last week’s featured photo goes to FrogMum. I just love this image. (achieving such great white balance in a bathroom is hard work!) Nicely done, friend!

(which is a total lie.)

So, I began physical therapy and actually found out what the problem is and why I’m experiencing so much pain.

I damaged by pelvic floor.

Right now, we are working on taking the remnants and putting them back together and building a nice strong floor again. It’s going to take therapy twice a week and the rest of my pregnancy to (hopefully) repair it, so for now, I’m taking it easy, I can not lift Eli (which hurts my heart so much) and saving any activity to complete the sessions I have scheduled prior to baby girl’s delivery. (the doctor has okay’d this, as long as I have an assistant with me.)

I’m never left alone. Someone always has to be here with me to help with Eli, I’m lucky to have a Mom and a Mother-in-law who are not only retired but also able and wanting to help, I can’t get over our fortune that Brian’s job is flexible and understanding and then my friend, Lynette, who I’ve hired to help me at home with Eli and with BFP is around, too.

I am completely missing my independence but fully understand how temporary this is. I’m trying to accept the help that is given to me with grace because once this trial is over, real life begins again and I’ll be wishing for a few minutes to just sit on my couch in peace.

Last night, I had a session. I came home and Brian was outside with all three kids and it was getting dark. We came in and I ate dinner. Anna wasn’t feeling well, so she went upstairs to watch TV in my room. That left me with my three boys. I sat on the couch, eating cold pizza and we taught Eli new tricks and he entertained us and we laughed so hard and it literally hurt so much but my heart needed this laughter so badly.

I laid in bed realizing that had I NOT been resting and in pain that that moment probably would not have occurred, I would have been busy putting away toys, or cleaning up dishes or watering plants but instead, I sat and watched and interacted and loved and laughed and felt pretty grateful for all of this. Even the pain.

I guess it’s okay.

Despite being emotional and lonely, I still have really great moments in my life and am surrounded by many things that I love.

Like my belly. I’ll be 29 weeks tomorrow. Today, we scheduled her birthday. I begin weekly NSTs tomorrow. In August, we give her a bedroom.

I think it’s funny that my belly looks like a dunce cap in this photo. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the corner of the house. But I suppose it really does look like this.

I love my zinnias in the front of my home. They’ve exploded into giant yellow and green balls. Anna and I planted them in late May, early June. They were so tiny. I actually wanted to plant five but they only had enough for three.  The purple flower in front was a surprise return from last year. I thought I had pulled them out but they eased their way back into our garden. I love how they accent the zinnia and the sidewalk.

Today, I needed to disconnect, so I packed up lunches and the kids and we went to the park. Such a perfect day for it.

Towards the end, when I was getting really tired, I asked the kids to sit on the bench. I finally got Eli to sit perfectly for me and saw that Anna was making ridiculous faces at the camera.

Lest you think I am always calm. I placed my lens cap on my camera, picked Eli up, put him in the stroller and said “let’s go.”

And we did. I’m still so frustrated that my oldest child ruined such a great photo but I look at it and I have to admit, I do love all of their faces in this photo. But still. ANGRY MAMA.

I’ve been making headbands.

Because of my newborn sessions, I spend a lot of money on Etsy, particularly on headbands, sometimes I’d spend $50 a month on headbands alone. OUCH.

I decided to try making them on my own and guess what? I spent about $60 on supplies and have made about 15 headbands so far with plenty of supplies left over.

I made these two for my neighbor’s newborn. (who happens to have a head FULL of shiny black hair.)

I’m no expert and that’s totally okay with me. It’s a great creative outlet. I’ll be editing photos and stand up, walk into the kitchen and just make a headband. Literally takes minutes. Sometimes I make them while Eli plays with bowls and spoons while, literally, sitting on my feet. It’s enjoyable.

Speaking of Eli:

He’s very busy these days, as you can see.

He’s grown up so quickly and cries so hard when Mommy or Daddy leave the house. His kisses are adorable and he loves carrots more than any other food in the world. He is such a sweetheart.

I guess that’s all I have for you. I did post images from a recent newborn session here, feel free to check it out.

And don’t worry about the first paragraph, I really am okay, I’ve just been uninspired to post here and I wanted to let you know exactly why.

I guess I just don’t know where to begin. Since Eli has become crazy mobile my time during the day to get work done has diminished quite a bit. I put him down for a nap 50 minutes ago. It may last another 30 minutes. I still have to shower and put some makeup so I don’t scare my children, I have about 4,320 photos to edit, three print orders to place, laundry to do, clients to email, I also have three children at home with me, oh and I started a new Clickin’ Moms workshop yesterday and am already overwhelmed.

Also, I’m pretty sure I left a pop tart lying around the house somewhere. I should probably find it immediately.

Yet, I am here.

Thank you for saving me from the crazy.

But now I must go. This weekend was beautiful and long with blue skies and naps and fireworks and s’mores made with peanut butter cups.

But now, real life is here.

So, if you miss me, you can see a sneak peek on my BFP blog here from a session this past Saturday. (feel free to leave feedback, k?) And also, I posted here, too.

Wishing you the happiest of Mondays. errr….Tuesdays.

These last few weeks have been incredibly disappointing to me. By the time I wake up Monday morning, Gloom and Doom have arrived, not even giving me a chance to start off on the right foot. Each week I try to break myself free from it and it works, but only briefly. But last Friday, when I was officially diagnosed with strep throat, I thought, “that’s it, I give up.”

And not that I was giving up and hiding underneath the covers and crying and pouting, I was just giving up that I had to accept the bad with the good. I’m always to willing to open my arms up to great opportunities and warm hugs, beautiful things and good health. Well, I can open my arms to a little bit of pain, too.

Lately, there have been so many thunderstorms in my life and even during them, I’d know they were purposeful, I always believe in the brightness shining brighter after the darkness (and even during the darkness.) I just thought maybe this time, I need to stop. Sit in bed, do not work or write or email, allow Brian to bring me Tylenol and rub my feet, browse on Pinterest, eat ice cream, doze off, just accept that sometimes life seems really hard and you feel beat up.

I’m okay with that. Because at least I have the chance to get back up, to let the sun warm my shoulders and to wake up and do everything I can to at least attempt to kick ass every single day.

Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I won’t. But sometimes, I will. And that will always leave me grateful because at least I have the choice.

I WILL NEVER TORTURE MYSELF AGAIN.

My appointment to get my hair color is in an hour and I don’t even care what color she does, I just don’t want gray anymore. I mean, I’m 25 *cough*, who has this much gray hair at thirty-f….25? (I’m not really sure how I’ll pay for it, I’m thinking I’ll bat my eyelashes and offer her the broken nutri-grain bar in my handbag.)

In other news, I’m really sick. (I texted my hairstylist last night and warned her) Severe sore throat, fever, my ears, neck and head hurt, I’m basically miserable. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and it was all I could do to hurry and lie back down because the cold almost killed me. I don’t think I have ever been so cold in my life.

I may have cried.

Leave me alone.

So, along with my hair appointment today (which is very, very important) I should probably see a physician because I could possibly die from the sick today.

But at least my hair will be pretty.

Happy Friday, friends.

In real life, today, I have a to-do list that is so impossibly long, I refuse to even write it out. Which leaves me staring at the wall, drool dripping down my chin.

On my counter, a Boston Creme Donut left over from yesterday’s Mother’s Day Breakfast on the Couch.

In my heart, remnants from an amazing weekend.

In my sights, blue skies and a shining sun.

In my memory, realizing I cleaned my kitchen on Saturday and so happy I took the time to do that. Also in my memory, the fact that I played football with Noah and basketball with Brian and Noah yesterday, nearly five months pregnant and totally kicked their asses. (don’t worry, Mom, it was just HORSE.)

On this date, Adam’s birthday. The best co-idol-chatter ever.

In my dreams last night: homework not done, flights missed, angry teachers, notes to school left unsent. Message: must organize my life.

In my plans, to hit publish and get moving with this day.

Happy Monday. Happy Week.

First, here are some of the Anthropologie goodies I bought for my birthday. Brian and I headed into Chicago on February 5, BY OURSELVES, we went to Victoria Secret where I was fitted for REAL BRAS that actually lift. Wow, what a difference. (Of course, I still mostly wear my nursing bras because of Sir-Nurse-A-Lot but still, these new bras mean that 7% of the time, my boobs go upward and not down. It’s amazing, really. Then we hit Anthropologie on Chicago Ave, just off of Michigan. Twas beautiful.

my finds.

I believe my eye was leaning towards blue that day.

…we had dinner at The Italian Village and then headed to the Anthro on State Street. Twas amazing. I can’t get over how spoiled I was. Brian even insisted on carrying every single shopping bag the entire trip. He mentioned making this my birthday tradition and I was like “oh, geeze, no way, nuh-uh.”

yeah, right! I was too shocked and excited to respond, I think. Our final stop was at Panera to pick up goodies for the next morning.

Yesterday, Brian surprised me with an Anthropologie box with the rest of the coffee mugs to that set for Valentine’s day. (and maybe, JUST MAYBE a VS goodie but shhhh…my Mom reads this blog.)

Eli’s surgery was yesterday. I can’t believe I’m throwing this into a post about random things because there is so much detail that it may be just too much. I want to just focus on the fact that it’s done and this morning he was so happy. Oh and maybe that he and I had the best sleep last night that we’ve had EVER. The night before Brian and I hardly slept at all, like, literally. We had a perfect hotel room and Eli went to sleep like a perfect little baby, I laid down at 8:30 my time, maybe closer to 9 and woke up every hour or more. Then Brian got paged for work and did not go to bed until after one when we had to be up at three. ugh.

But Eli? He’s a champion and yes, we had some definite difficult moments yesterday but also some super sweet ones, too. We are so thankful to have this done. The surgery went perfectly, it was a bit more invasive than I thought it would be but that’s okay. He should be back to normal in 3-4 weeks. (I’m sorry I’m not sharing the details, I just want to protect the privacy of my little one!)

Here are some sweet photos of our brave guy:

I mentioned last week that I’ll be heading to a photography class next week in another part of the country. This is something that I registered for last August with very limited availability. The fact that A.) I am able to go and B.) that I got in and that C.) my husband is just as excited as I am, are all wonderful, amazing things. I will not be linking to this workshop because I’m finding that maybe some people don’t quite appreciate originality and authenticity as much as I do, or as much as they should, especially when starting a photography business and because this is a huge investment for us, I just want it to be something that I discovered and something is part of ME and Beth Fletcher Photography. (sorry for the longest sentence ever.) I just think it would be best to keep it within my walls. In other words, I’m finding others doing exactly what I’m doing with their photography business that live very close to me and that makes me uncomfortable and probably sad, so I must protect this business of mine and keep it me and keep others from becoming me, too. (does that make sense?)

This doesn’t mean I won’t be sharing with you guys, oh, please! How could I not? It’s just that some things, have to be mine. You know? (I’m totally cringing as I write this, I don’t want to come across as a jerk or as someone who thinks she’s better than she is because I do not, it’s just disappointing to see what I’ve seen lately because I’ve been so forthcoming and it scares me, I think.)

(and it’s not to say that I don’t get ideas from other photographers, in fact, I do! My favorite thing about the internet is that I can sit down and get a huge dose of inspiration from people sharing the creativity and their art, but it does just that, it inspires me to craft my own art.)

(and also, if you’ve emailed me with questions, asking for advice, etc. I am not talking about you. In fact, YOU are the real deal to me. I love that you are seeking help in a private forum and I am completely honored that you’ve come to me. I believe in mentoring and hope to some day be a very devoted mentor to others, when I feel good enough to be one, of course.)

(oh man, maybe this should have been a separate post.)

(sorry for all of the parenthesis.)

Anyway, Eli will be traveling with me, I think he’s super excited for his first plane ride. or would be if he knew what a plane was, of course.

Oh and I believe I promised you some newborn photos, yes? Here you go!

Can you even handle these cheeks?

Do you want me to tell you about the photography workshop I’m attending in two weeks? (details will be limited because that’s just the way I am but still…I am dying that it’s almost here.)

Do you want to hear how my 8 year old daughter hurt my feelings last night and how last week she said “sex” and this morning she said “bitch” and how scared out of my mind I am to be raising a daughter? (which will undoubtedly turn into a post begging parents to either A. watch their language around their children or B. if you must use these words in front of your children, please stress to them that these are words only adults use…)

Should I tell you how I gave Anna and Noah Rice Krispies today, for their first time and I was like “listen! SNAP! CRACKLE! POP! ooooh” and they were like “yeah but it still tastes like sand.” And I realized what a simple child I was.

Would you rather hear about how my husband spoiled me on my birthday shopping trip on Saturday and see my goodies from Anthro?

or would you prefer I shut my mouth and show you some newborn photos from my session on Monday?

Seriously.

You decide.

First: today is the last day to receive 20% off at Clickin’ Moms. So, you best hurry. (code: FRIEND) (oh and they just announced the workshops for February…two of which I have taken and completely recommend!)

Second: I am coming back today to celebrate my five year blogging anniversary with you guys…expect some super fun giveaways JUST FOR YOU!

Third: Make sure you eat a cookie today.

Fourth: Take a picture of something you love.

Fifth: Have another cookie.

Be back soon.