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Run, girl.

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

By Beth

There is so much I want to do on a daily basis. I always have big dreams of waking up and working out, showering, cleaning up the house and then getting to work. I’d love to pack up the kids and go grocery shopping or take them to the park, come home and work even more, possibly catch up on laundry. Make dinner, clean it up, read stories to my kids, weed the garden. For me, that would be a really great day.

Instead, I wake up, brush my teeth, put my contacts in, make coffee and then I write or design, sometimes I put a load of laundry in, but my ten in the morning, all I want to do is sleep. Like crawl into bed, head on my pillow SLEEP. It’s such a physical fatigue that I can’t fight it. I am so tired that some days, just moving my hand over to my computer mouse is too much. I am not exaggerating at all.

I am so tired.

On days where I’m too busy for a nap, I’ll take one in the car. I have never been one to nap, so this life of mine where I require a nap every single day? It’s not me, it’s so foreign.

Honestly, I’ve been very worried about myself lately, trying to figure out what is causing this intense fatigue. I’ve wondered if I could be pregnant even though I’ve had a period, I’ve wondered if maybe it’s depression causing my body to lose its spark.

What’s even more frustrating is that I’m mentally still so motivated to get things done, to start new projects, to clean my house, to create a fun and memorable summer for the kids but I just can’t move. Literally.

I briefly mentioned my fatigue to my cardiologist last week and they just sort of swept me to the side, which is okay, I mean, he’s the cardiologist, what could he do? I had my thyroid tested two months ago and everything showed up okay.

So, I mentioned it my OB specialist on Monday after she mentioned making sure my thyroid levels were in order and she said that it was a good thing we were checking on my thyroid, maybe that’s what the problem was.

I wasn’t counting on it but at 12:21 today, her office called and yes, my thyroid levels were down.

I can honestly say that I nearly cried after getting off of the phone. I may have even told the nurse that I was going to drive to Chicago to personally HUG THEM BOTH BECAUSE OHMYGOD THANK YOU! The only other time I was so excited to get an abnormal test result was when I was diagnosed with Hashimotos.

Then it all started to make sense – DUH! I’m dizzy, I fill my sink with my fallen hair, I’m forgetful…Yes, my thyroid IS low. Why didn’t I think that my levels would not have dropped within the past two months? Either way, I’ll pick up my prescription and love that what I’m feeling may actually be helped by a little purple pill.

So, once again, this week, I am hopeful. I am hopeful that I’ll find myself soon, my physical self that is hiding behind this ambitious mind because when these two meet? You best watch out.

run, girl.

Categories: Friendly, thyroid

Well, that was fun.

Monday, September 15th, 2008

By Beth

No, seriously. That WAS fun. Thanks to everyone for defending me and supporting me this morning, I mean, WOW. THANK YOU!

I did remove the link to her blog because I did not want her poison on this blog any longer. (and I feel quite guilty, honestly. I really was hoping no comments would be made on her blog, but understand if you felt compelled to.) I am actually in a great mood (for now) and I’m pretty sure it’s because you all reminded me how great blogging is, so thank you.

On to other stuff:

Today, the kids and I took the train into Chicago because I finally had my appointment with my endocrinologist. I discovered her last October and fell in love with her, instantly.

At that appointment, last year, I was having major thyroid issues, mainly high blood pressure, high pulse and feeling like someone was choking me. It totally sucked. I went to her and she pointed at me and said “now don’t get pregnant.” (I had told her we were thinking about trying) And then two weeks later I got pregnant.

Why, yes, I am a Moron. Well, not really, I thought I was trying not to, but for whatever reason my body (and God? The universe?) had other plans for me and my uterus.

The following day, after taking the pregnancy test, I called this doctor and I was all like “I’M AN IDIOT, WHAT SHOULD I DO? IS IT OKAY?”

She reassured me and fortunately, my levels evened out.

So, I stopped seeing her because everything was okay, my OB was checking my levels monthly and I did not want to go to Chicago when I was constantly wanting to throw up for 15 weeks straight. But I continued to send others to her because she’s that wonderful and those others told her about what had happened with James and Jake and all of that, which was actually nice because I didn’t have to start from square one upon seeing her today. Thank God. (OMG, if I got paid for each run-on sentence I ever wrote, I would be a bazillionaire.)

We discussed my issues: feeling like someone is choking me, with their thumbs pressed up against my neck, taking naps every single day, depression (duh), just a bunch of crap. The trick is that now much of these symptoms can be attributed to not just thyroid, but now also depression.

Complicated, no?

Now, I KNOW I love my doctor when she looks at me and says “YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT, BETH.” and I’m all like “really? because I think so, too, but I don’t want to be a total wuss,” I admit sheepishly.

She ORDERED me to see a psychiatrist and ORDERED me to get an ultrasound done in Chicago (Northwestern) and ORDERED me to just let myself grieve and cry anytime I want.

Oh and NO PREGNANCY FOR ME, for a very, very long time. (for all of you wondering, and yes, I know you are wondering, don’t worry, I don’t mind.)

I did mention my blogging to her as a form of therapy for me.

Do you know what else she told me to do? She told me to stop blogging. I kid you not, she did. And I was all like “whatevs.” Because I won’t, but she did think perhaps I stressed too much about what I write and maybe I was feeling too much pressure. Now, I’m not sure I agree, it’s not like she has ever read my blog, but still, I’ll take her advice into consideration.

Truthfully, this blog HAS been my therapy and I’m not sure I am ready to let that go. But I do think I’m ready to let go of the pressure a bit, SOMEHOW.

In the end, I am relieved that I am being treated by a specialist, but mostly, I am relieved that I am being treated by someone who feels like my friend, someone who said things to me that I think I needed to hear and the fact that she freely used the word SHIT is just icing on the cake.

For the first time in a LONG time, tonight feels really good to me. I think it’s because of my family, my doctor and all of you. I hope you feel really good about what you have done for me today, I know I do. Thank you.

Beth and her babies DSC_0464

Categories: Bloggityville, Family, Friendly, JJF, thyroid

Here’s the thing

Thursday, July 31st, 2008

By Beth

I haven’t written about this yet, but recently I could feel that my thyroid levels were off. The weekend of the 20th, I started to feel the sensation I had last year where it feels like someone is choking me, plus I keep gaining weight like it’s my job, I’m so tired, very depressed, etc. etc. My doctor faxed an order to my lab to draw blood last Monday and on Tuesday the 22nd, the doctor’s office called and said my levels were "wacky" and that the doctor wanted to see me. I was quite pleased because there is nothing better than feeling like crap and then figuring out that it’s not my fault. Unfortunately, they could not get me in to see the doctor until yesterday.

After my post about Prozac and expressing the feelings of feeling very flat, I realized I probably should have mentioned that my thyroid was off in that post. I did talk to my doctor about backing up the dose a little bit and he advised against doing that and thought that by increasing the thyroid right now it may help my feelings of ambivalence, but that we would revisit the Prozac levels in six weeks. My hope is to stop taking anti-depressants all together, sometime during the fall.

So, my doctor increased my thyroid medication which makes me hopeful and happy. Two things I like feeling, but one thing I don’t like feeling is fat. I hope this helps me stop gaining weight faster than a freight train and allows me to lose the weight through joining Weight Watchers or some other crap like that.

While I was at the doctor I told him about this foot problem I was having where when I walk barefoot it feels like I have fluid in the ball of my foot, it’s very uncomfortable and then when I wear my running shoes my toes fall asleep. Did you know I can’t clean without my running shoes on? I can’t do anything productive without them on, you should try it sometime. Anyway, the foot issue is very annoying and honestly, it’s painful. He blamed my thyroid.

That thyroid is nothing but a trouble maker, you know, when it’s not working properly, it controls everything from weight gain, to feeling psychotic to my toes falling asleep. I can’t wait to get this back under control…again.

My soul sister is making me call my endocrinologist in Chicago today, she’s very bossy and very tiny, even at 35 weeks pregnant, so I figure I better listen to her otherwise she’ll call me every single day to tell me why I need to call this doctor and she’ll probably yell obscenities, too. All of these things are reasons why I love this person so so so much and reasons why I’ll call my endocrinologist in Chicago.

So, there you have it, the inside scoop, probably the real reason why I haven’t felt like blogging all that much or doing anything for that matter, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s very little, but it’s there and I just know that the sunlight will soon be shining on me.

And I can’t wait.

Categories: thyroid

A plan is a plan is a plan is a plan

Monday, November 5th, 2007

By Beth

I don’t even know what that title means.

If things were supposed to go as planned today, I would be at Northwestern Hospital in downtown Chicago getting my radioactive thyroid scans done, right now.

I would have gone to bed earlier, not eaten or had a sip of coffee or water since midnight and I would be getting the answers I need, right now.

I would leave the scan, go to work on Michigan Avenue, then go back for an additional scan at three o’ clock today and then I would have to return again tomorrow morning, for yet, another scan. All those scans equal a whole lot of answers.

But alas, plans change, don’t they? Sometimes you plan to only have two pieces of pizza and you end up eating ~~seven~~ three. Sometimes, you intend to run into Target only to purchases a headband and end up having drained your checking account. And sometimes, you wake up planning to tackle the laundry, but instead you end up wearing dirty socks the following day.

So, I’m not getting my scans done right now. Instead, I’m sitting here, on my couch, blogging and drinking coffee, while Brian, who took off of work so I could get these scans done, is taking Ariel to school and Racecar has tagged along. It’s kinda peaceful, yet, kinda not.

Because I am not at Northwestern right now getting these scans done. The hospital called on Friday to get additional medical information from me, they asked about my current prescriptions, when they realized that I am still taking thyroid. Well, of course I am, because I may die without. (which is totally dramatic, but having a low thyroid is awful. Enough said.) However, in order to get a proper scan done, you must be off of all thyroid medications for FOUR WEEKS. Yes, yes. four weeks. So, no scan for me.

I am okay with this, I mean, I am sitting in my quiet house drinking coffee right now, and I am feeling better, but still, answers would be good.

But in the meantime, I eagerly await the sausage egg and cheese mcmuffin and heaven in a cup that Brian will be bringing me in just a few short minutes.

Then maybe I’ll tackle that laundry I didn’t do yesterday, after all, it’s not like I can go shopping today, I went to Target last night and spent all of my money.

Categories: Laundry Musings, NaBloMoPo, That's Life, thyroid

31 Minutes

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

By Beth

I left my house in Indiana to head to my doctor’s appointment at 12:29 p.m., I arrived in Chicago 31 minutes later.
It took me 31 minutes to see this:

I love it when there is no traffic. and oh how I love this city.

My appointment went well. I ended up taking the kids with me, I met Brian, who works downtown, and

he took the kids to the park while I was with the doctor. The kids loooove Chicago and The Bean. Who doesn’t enjoy the bean?

After much discussion with my new endocrinologist, she feels that my current doctor has done a really good job of diagnosing and medicating me. which is really great news.

Unfortunately, we do not have a solid answer as to why my body is going crazy. Both my doctors feel I have thyroiditis. The thyroiditis is what is causing the very high pulse, the high blood pressure, fevers, extreme hair loss and a host of other symptoms.

I have to have a radioactive scan done on my thyroid, which will tell us if I do, in fact, have thyroiditis. If I do have thyroiditis, there is nothing that can be done, aside from taking large doses of ibuprofen to keep the swelling of my thyroid down, I could have it for many months. If I do not have thyroiditis, there is a possibility that there are some some nodules on my thyroid or in the vicinity that is causing the choking sensation and increased levels.

My current doctor faxed over my blood test results from two weeks ago to my new thyroid doctor. My T3 levels were extremely high and my TSH levels were "severely depressed." "No wonder you don’t feel well," my doctor said. Thank you doctor for the validation, I thought. If the scan shows nothing, which is my fear, then my current thyroid dose will be dropped.

My scan isn’t until November 5th!! But that’s okay, if the ibuprofen doesn’t bring down the swelling of my thyroid then my doctor has already written me a prescription for steroids, in case I need it.

I’m very glad I went. I’m glad to have the second opinion and I’m glad both doctors agreed on my current situation. I really love my current doctor and would have been heart broken if he had things all wrong. But he didn’t.

However, I will continue to see my endocrinologist because I feel my G.P. has done everything he can and it’s time to go to someone who has more expertise.

So, there you have it. We wait. and wait. Which just means another 4,329 blogs posts about my thyroid over the next few weeks.

Hey. I hear you groaning, you better watch out, there will be a pop quiz.

Okay, fine. Here’s another picture of the kids at the bean.